And so it is, the shorter story

So here it is, 4 in the morning, I just finished watching Closer, and I'm sitting here, surrounded by unsatisfaction (that's not even a word). I want sleep, I want love, I want sex, I want it all. I want to know who I am and what I want, I want to be as strong as I appear, I want to be successful in the things I do. I want to actually do the things I say I'll do.
I want the world, basically.
And this is a pretty honest post, as far as these things go, but I just have this urge to say something true, something real, something maybe I'm scared about. But at least it's the truth. Because, really...

Someone recently told me that being a good friend meant letting your friends lie to themselves, letting them get away with their own personal brand of bullshit. I really hate to think that he's right, and I denied that remark with all the strength I had, as thrown as I was by the severity of the statement. But I have to admit (while I'm being honest here) that it's at least partly true. Or true for specific people. Or something like that. But there's an element of truth to it that bothers me, and I can't pinpoint where or why.

So here I am, 4 in the morning, writing.
Does any of this actually mean anything? Does it ever make a difference?

Somehow I feel all of my posts are written around questions, the answers too elusive and perhaps too consistently changing to find.
Truth changes forms.

Okay, so not the O'Reilly Factor... but I suppose this is the next most villainous arm of FOX

Hi Matt -

I'm not sure if you're the Matt we're looking for, but I thought I'd give you a try. I'm a producer with Geraldo At Large, a nationally syndicated news magazine anchored by Geraldo Rivera. We are producing a piece on the Monterey Salka controversy, and would like to do a taped, on-camera interview with you about it.

Our program is based in NYC. If you are still in town, we can come to you and would only need about an hour and a half of your time. If you are already headed back to CA, we have a producer there who can meet you at a location convenient for you to interview you. We are scheduled to finish shooting the story Friday, 12/23.

If you are concerned about what kind of questions we would like to ask, I can provide you with a list. We simply would like to talk about a little bit about Monterey, the photo shoot, and your reaction to the Salka's lawsuit.

As usual in television, time is of the essence for us, so if you could get back to me at your earliest convenience, it'd be much appreciated.

Thanks,
Bob Higgins

Seasons of love...And it's definitely winter.

There was a lot of talk about love last night. First it was with Meghann, pertinent to the subject of marriage, and then I brought it up with another close friend of mine, Mike. What is love? I don't know what it is, and despite that, I don't know if I believe in it anymore.
When you're a little girl, an adolescent, a teenager, you watch movies, read books, hear stories...And you inevitably believe that there's some "Mr. Perfect" out there for you; you just have to go and find him. But that's bullshit, or at least I think so now. Perhaps I'm turning into a cynic. But looking at the divorce rates and the number of people who cheat...I'm not so sure humans are monogamous creatures. And if we are monogamous, then what the hell is our problem?
So now I'm still a teenager, at the tail-end of that label, I've never been in a relationship, and I feel jaded; not just because of who I am but because of what I've seen of relationships, mostly with people of my age. People who think they're in love. People who are in love. But I don't even know what that means.
There are a small handful of people on the planet that I could honestly, and with a clear conscious, say that I love. A very small population indeed. But I'm not in love with them.
I just watched my parents take my dog out for a walk, and I've noticed that ever since I've left for college they've been happier. And please don't get me wrong, this isn't a pity thing and I know I didn't ruin their lives or anything like that - three is a hard number. But I used to question so often as to whether my parents were in love or loved each other at all. When things hit rock bottom a few years ago I asked my father if he and my mom were still in love, and he said I don't know. I think that messed me up.
I know everyone's perception of what marriage is supposed to be is based, obviously, on what they saw of their parents' relationship. Obviously, Meghann is more comfortable with divorce and thinks it's much more acceptable than I do. It makes sense. But with everyone's different perceptions and experiences, do any two people really agree? I'm not even going to ask if there's a "right" and a "wrong" way of thinking because I know you can't judge things like this.
As I was frantically cramming for my Sociology final, I read an article about marriage that basically explained that in every marriage, there are really two marriages, and when asked separately, spouses disagree on about a third of the things they're asked about, such as who's in control, who does what household chores, etc. I find this unsurprising. But to me it just adds to my confusion about the subject. How do you make a marriage work when you're obviously so disjointed?
And what about the correlation between marriage and love? Is one necessary for the other?

Too many questions, no satisfying answers. And I suppose I'll figure it out for myself eventually. But it does leave one feeling kind of lonely.

"Love is a many-splendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love..."
Right.

J-O-O's

There are only a few times a year when I feel Jewish. Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. The first two are obvious. My food intake is disrupted and that causes me to complain to my gentile friends. Hanukkah's also pretty obvious, seeing as how I've been bombarded with Christmas crap since October. I actually like Christmas, though. This will be only the second year of my life that I don't have a Christmas tree. However, even though I'm in the capital of politcally correct, I have yet to see a single Hanukkah decoration. I spend a lot of time at the mall because that's where my gym is. Everywhere is red and green garland, lights, and a giant pile of present with a red throne in front, where Santa sits and talks to the kiddies. As a sidenote, I'm surprised that this Santa tradition still exists. Who wants their small children to sit on an old man's lap? Yeah I thought so.

So anyway. I have yet to see a single aknowledgement of Hanukkah. I'm sure I could go home to redneck ass San Diego and see more. True that Carmel Valley is basically Little Jerusalem, but you know. This is San Francisco.

Today Hailee's mom sent Chelsea and I a package. It contained a pair for each of us of Rudolph socks and a box of Mrs. Field cherry candy canes. Of course I'm not peeved at this at all because I think it's pretty much of the nicest things ever, but I had to chuckle at myself. I'm not gonna lie. Gelt would've been cool.

4:47 A.M.

Child molesters

So last night, Heather, Chelsea, and I decided to go out to dinner at El Toreador, our local neighborhood mexican restaurant. Our first strange encounter was an extremely drunk man in his 60's who came up to us while we were fucking around outside, waiting for a table. I assume he stumbled down from the neighboring pub, Joxer Daly's. He approached us and said, "Can I ask you a question? I'm not a bad guy or anything." He asks how old we are and we tell him, and the following 15 minutes are a blur of slurred life advice, culminating in this little nugget of wisdom,"...and have as much sex and possible, with as many people as possible. But only with me." He then stumbled off and we ran screaming into the restaurant.

You'd think we were safe. Oh, no. A group of four people walk out: two women and behind them, their husbands. We're sitting in the waiting area and the two men (clearly in their 40's) come over say, "Hey, you should come have a drink with us next door." We laugh nervously and mutter after they leave. Another group of men (also in their 40's) walk out and one comes right up to Heather and says, "Let me guess. Vicky. Hahahahaha." The only pleasant coming-on was three stoned surfers from Santa Cruz who were jealous that we were so far ahead on the waiting list.

So here's my question: Why do old men find it appropriate to hit on little girls? I'll clarify this by saying that all three of us were wearing jeans, sweaters, and big jackets with scarves, and Ugg boots because it was freezing outside. There was nothing maturely sexual about us. So what the fuck? You could be my father. For all I know that old man could've been my grandfather.

Alligator wrestlers and dead fish

My University Writing instructor wasn't lying when she said she was writing a novel about a family of alligator wrestlers in South Florida. Turns out my shy, quirky writing instructor is moonlighting as a brilliant fiction writer. Her story, and an interview. It's definitely worth the read.

o0o0o Jet-setter

So yesterday at about 7:45 am my mom calls and asks, "Want to go to Las Vegas for Christmas?" Alrighty then. My mother's manifestation of a mid-life crisis is travel. Sounds good. So I will be spending Christmas Eve and day in Las Vegas and the Paris hotel. And then of course real Paris for Spring Break, including two days in London via Chunnel. And a weekend in New York when it can be squeezed in. Bam.

Surprise!

And, oh yeah, Lit Mag is officially number one in the nation.

The Lovesong of Alfred J Prufrock

LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.
And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo... - From The Lovesong of Alfred J Prufrock by T.S. Elliot [if you haven't read the entire thing, search for it on Google and read it] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Can you ever really go home again?

Happy Birthday, Mattie!

A few pennies for a few thoughts

So there's a funny thing about respect, and that is that everyone has a different definition of it. Everyone sees things differently in respect to respect. Which makes it a difficult thing to respect.
If you know what I mean.
[I know I'm not funny, bug off.]

People toss around the word, from tongue to tongue, not unlike the phrase "I love you." It's used on a whim, passed on a breeze, unchallenged, unremarkable.
But the thing that gets to me is that respect truly is a remarkable thing. When someone does something so considerate, it touches you...when someone simply gives you space instead of stepping on your toes...when you realize that someone has respect for you from the little things they do...well, it's like being given the most marvelous gift.

____________________________________

If it's true, what they say, about the faults you see in others being the things that you dislike about yourself, well, then I have a lot of work to do.

____________________________________

It is so beautiful here after it rains; it really is magical. The world outside my window just sparkles, the air is incredibly clear, and everything smells like green. I'm being a total cheeseball, I know, but it's not something I can capture on my camera; it's not something I can really share with you without you being here.

Good job, god.
Two thumbs up.

Oh dear

So after a Sunday of losing any and all class that I ever had ever, today has been rather redeaming, and it's only 9 am. I gave my informative speech to excellent reviews (comment excerpts: "My hair used to be that long, I kind of miss it." "You're too cool for school.") Aaaaaaaand I walked home with my flutter and we laughed and it was fun. Yayyyyyy.

However, later today will bring a 10 page essay on pharmacists who refuse to give birth control, which will probably make me angry while I write it. And of course tomorrow I have to figure out how to go to two classes, have a meeting with my French teacher, go to my paper review for English, vote, and go to the gym. On the up side, I get to chill for another three weeks in speech class. Here we go.

Happy Halloween.....weekend!

Okay, kids, let's try an exercise that uses our imaginations:
First, picture the most ridiculous party you've ever been to.
Then, imagine it was a costume party.
Then add alcohol.
Then add more alcohol.
Then add about 300x more alcohol.
Then add a few thousand more people.
Add some more alcohol.
Add some marijuana.
Add a few thousand more people.
Add some more marijuana.
Add some more alcohol.
Then add a few hundred asses hanging out of booty shorts or thongs.
Then add police.
Then add more police on horseback.
Then add more alcohol.
[Lather, rinse, repeat.]
Pretend it's all in the very small "town" of Isla Vista [IV].

That's what Halloween is like in the Univeristy of California, Santa Barbara.
Sort of.

So this weekend was pretty eventful

Well, what do you do when you have nothing to do on Friday night? You drink at Adam's house. So we trekked over there and they were playing Halo so we had to make it more interesting. I think we just sat around in Adam and Ben's room and I made some friends. One guy (his name was either Brian or Mitch, he lied a lot) told me he was Warren Sapp's son and he grew up in Compton. Yeah I dunno. We went home and I locked us out of the room so we went to the front desk and got a lock out key, then brought some of Chelsea's homemade chocolate cheesecake to the guy when we returned the key. Yeah.
Got up early on Saturday and went downtown to hang with my mommy. We got dim sum, shopped, went to tea at the hotel, had massages (at this awesome Japanese spa and I had a private bath and cucumber slices and oranges and yeah), had sushi (at a place with the boats! So cool!), and then slept at the hotel with her. Got up this morning, had homemade croissants, went back to campus (hauling my new clothes on Muni -- joy). Ummm Hailee and Wes and I had lunch with Bob and Jason, then went to Wes's to see his Halloween costume (see pictures at end of this). Then we came back here and watched Anchorman while Hailee straightened Wes's hair. Um. There was some Sex and the City, had chicken-avocado-pesto sandwiches for dinner. That's about it.

Tomorrow night is Castro. Next weekend is Tami and Jamie's birthday party. Will update.

We are all on drugs/What cult got you?

So I had a really ridiculous weekend; probably one of the most interesting weekends of my life.

Some highlights:
:: my "best friend" trying to "break up" with me
:: getting written up for drinking in the dorms [whoops]
:: watching Batman Begins in a movie theater
:: sending a friend to, then picking her up from, the hospital
:: going to Costco
:: all the LitMag drama
:: getting flowers for my half-birthday
:: being excessively bitter
:: documenting it all with my digital camera

So I hugely kicked [yesterday's] sociology final's ASS, thankyouverymuch, and I expect to kick very little ass on [todays] Greek Mythology final.

It's that time again, so here's the list of classes I'm considering taking next quarter [choose three]:
+ Intro to Cultural Anthropology
+ History of Jazz
+ Beginning Ballet
+ Beginning Ballroom Dancing
+ Principles of Micro [or Macro] Economics
+ Dinosaurs
+ Music Appreciation [or] World Music
+ Intro to Buddhism
+ Zen
+ The Teachings of Jesus

Feedback and/or opinion is greatly appreciated. I'm way into lists today. So into lists, in fact, I'm going to give you a list of photographs, per usual:
[WARNING: drunk photos ahead...possible ALL drunk photos ahead...]

party in Brett's room!!! [til the fucking RAs shut us down]

between the damn Natty Ice cans that got us fucked in the end

thanks, Nicole [she's on the far left] for having a birthday
so we could have a birthday PARTY

drunk roomie love is still valid roomie love

Good job, Ted.

So can I just say

That I love my critical thinking professor. Today we were doing some activity and she imparted upon us some Southern wisdom from her childhood in Virginia.

"General Lee did not surrender. Ulysses S. Grant picked up his sword and Lee was too polite to ask for it back."

"It is not called the Civil War. It is called the War of Northern Aggression." (picture that in a Southern accent).

News beat

Parents file $1.5 million claim with school district after ...
Semi-Nude Photos of Students in Literary Magazine Exposes Legal ...

Good Morning, America

Matt,

Wondering if I could talk to you briefly, and off the record, about "First Flight" from Torrey Pines. I am a producer for Good Morning America, and we are trying to get our heads around the story that ran in the SD Union Tribune this morning about the literary magazine? Can you call me at your earliest convenience. As I said - off the record... I just want to get someone's take on what really happened.

Cheers,
Bradley Lautenbach
Good Morning America

Photo uproar might have been avoidable
Claim filed over photos in student publication
Photos of seminude Torrey Pines student spur $1.5 defamation claim
Semi-Nude Pics In School Mag Spark Legal Action
Photos of semi-nude Torrey Pines student spurs $1.5 defamation ...
Parents File Claim Against School Over Photos
Parents Sue District For $1.5 Million For Semi-Nude Photos

insert obscenities here

So tell me, please, someone out there in this world, WHY?
Just in general. Pertaining to everything.

Just why?
And also how could you?
And also how dare you?

I always hated it, just HATED it, when people said, "the only person you can ever truly rely on is yourself." Mostly 'cause I knew [how foolish am I?] that you'd ALWAYS be there.

Apparently I know nothing.
And it's never hurt so bad.

invisible monsters

so basically this week, especially today, has just fucked me.

my insides have been put into a blender, blended on HIGH, shoved back into my body through my nose, and stictched together so they're suspended in my skeleton.
that's a grossly dumb way for saying i feel like shit.
a lot of shit.

sorry, mom. sorry, god.

So give me coffee and TV, easily...

Photos and bitching.

So Meghann visited. It was great to have her; I wish we could have spent some real time just the two of us, but I'll take what I can get.

The past three days have been filled with drama and it's irritating. People change so quickly. Or more accurately, people show their true colors too slowly [?]. I'm undecided, but I'm complain nontheless.
Midterms are next week and the week after, I'm stressed, I'm behind, I'll catch up, I know I can do it, I just am not sure that I will.

The most exciting and noteworthy event of late has been the purchase and arrival of my brand new, very own, digital camera. In honor of this great event, I need to advertise my new photo website and post some photos of tonight [I've only had a few hours to play with it].

yasamin.me.kirsten.

ted the wise.

roomie 'n' me.

me.kristin.

a representative note to end on.

I'm not emo, I'm just cynical.
I should make bumper stickers.

Squat and Gobble

Reason #987459037405 why I love living in San Francisco:

So Hailee and I went on a mini-excursion to Walgreens in West Portal tonight to pick up her prescription. And what did we happen upon? The Squat and Gobble Cafe and Crepery. Holy crap. It was like Pannikin but better. I had the most AMAZING nutella crepe with vanilla bean ice cream, plus a watermelon/passion fruit italian soda. Can I just say. Awesome.

What a raging asshole

As you know, I took the Greyhound 10 hours to Santa Barbara this weekend to see Lauren and do some partying. Hailee convinced me to go with her, even though it meant I would miss speech on Friday. See, on Friday my professor assigned presentation days for our speeches -- if you didn't show up, you automatically went the first day. I emailed him and told him I wouldn't be there so put me on the first day. So 10 hours on Greyhound. Our longest layover was in Salinas so we asked where there was a coffee shop and I got a gigantic peppermint tea (sidenote: I've been battling a chest cold and laryngitis since Thursday). Got to SB, took the city bus to campus. Hailee and Lauren and I got ready and went out and saw BRYAN which was amazing. Then Lauren and Topher dropped Hailee and I off at Eric's for his b-day party. It was awkward so we went to Morgan's (best friend of a guy who lives on our floor) and oh deer. I drank some Natty Ice and rum and hookah'd and they smoked. Ended up sleeping there in a stranger's bed -- you can ask me for details.
Saturday morning we walked the walk of shame back to the dorms from IV, still in our party clothes, with black make up all over our eyes. It was embarassing. Got back to Lauren's and went back to sleep for a few hours. Hailee and I went to IV to get some yummy sandwiches for lunch, and then I worked on my speech until that night. We dropped Hailee back at Morgan's for some more partying and then I went with Lauren and her friends to watch moves in the lounge. We watched Boondock Saints (yesssssss) and Nightmare Before Christmas (which involved a lot of singing along from almost EVERYONE in the room, including freakin' Alex Zlotnik). Got into bed around 3:30.
Thennnn we had to wake up super early to catch the city bus to downtown SB. We loaded up on cottage cheese, chocolate, and cold meds at Ralph's, and then it was 9 hours back to home. I have seriously never been so excited to go to San Francisco. We just gazed at the city when we were going over the bay bridge, and when we got out of the bus terminal, Market street was all lit up with trees and pretty buildings and it was about 75 outside. San Francisco loves us. So we spent a good deal of time scrounging money for Muni, then got back to the dorms and I practiced my speech and such.
So basically I was having a stroke the whole weekend about this speech, and I didn't even give it today. I told my professor that I have laryngitis and that I was prepared to go but I didn't want to completely lose my voice mid-speech or annoy him with my croakiness. So he says, "I'll think about it." He has me put my name up on the list with the two other speakers going today. He hands out three sheets of paper for evaluations. After the second speech he picks them up, gives us some info, and class is over. Meanwhile I'm going into cardiac arrest because I think he skipped me because I didn't immediately walk up, and everyone around me is like, "Whaaaaaat?" So after class I walk up to him and he says, "You're going FIRST THING Wednesday." Asshole. He thinks he's so clever.

Mos Def

Definitely went to hear Ben Stein talk today [sponsored by Campus Republicans, of course].

Definitely heard a guy stand up and yell "AMERICA IS NOT THE GOVERNMENT, YOU FASCIST FUCK!!!" to Ben Stein.

Definitely played "would you rather" for an extremely prolonged period of time.

Definitely met a new friend, Eric, and got to know a relatively new friend, Yasamin.

Definitely had fun political conversation/yelling match at dinner.

Definitely uber excited for this weekend [including but not limited to: Meghann coming to visit, going to the zoo, going to see Domino, having a dance party]

Definitely have some not-so-sober pictures from last weekend to share [oh, my crazy roomie...]:

Crunk Christine and me

Crunk Christine, Matt [birthday boy], and Ted

Crunk roomie love

Definitely working on the courage thing...

This post has no title, just words and a tune...

The good: I just, several minutes ago, bought myself my very own digital camera [Rah! Rah!] | Freebirds for dinner, Woodstock's for dessert, and Two-Hour Tuesdays

The bad: Death seems to be all around | I'm not going to San Fransisco this weekend because of...

The ugly: I have a shitload of reading/homework to catch up on/do | I'm practically out of clean clothes | I have peanut butter but no Oreos...now what am I going to have for my midnight snack?

I really hate it when people say "things could always be worse." It's true, but it's like, fuck off, you have nothing real to say to me, so stop pretending to console me.

Hold me.

I thought this was pretty good

I'm from California.

-I cuss a lot.

-I say "for sure" and "right on" and "hella" and "hecka" and I say it often.

-I know what real cheese & avocados taste like.

-I don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe and Big Bear.

-Summers are really hot, and winters are really cold. That's the way it is.

-I go to the Beach - not "down to the shore."

-I know 65 mph really means 80+.

-When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger & accept it.

-I've been to "The City" aka "San Fran" and have eaten fresh clam chowder out of a sourdough bread bowl.

-The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border).

-My governor can kick your governor's ass.

-I can go out at midnight and wear a t-shirt and shorts.

-I might get looked at funny by locals when I'm on vacation in their state, but when they find out I'm from California I turn into a Greek GOD.

-I can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day

-All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here.

-We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).

But I'm actually over it this time.

My weekend included, but was not limited to:
- buying the shirt of my life at Wet Seal
- Rockstar and vodka (my own private stash, thanks Adam) at Casa de Baseball
- Andrew visting
- Stalking Tiger Woods at the golf course_
- Blue Angels show
- nearly dying about 937908749875 in Chris's car
- cute boys taking me and Chelsea out for Italian
- driving up to Twin Peaks to see the view (Laguna Beach style)
- Justin and Chris peeing in the bushes
- Chelsea bringing home the gayest straight (supposedly) guy in the world (who slept over)
- eating Ben and Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie
- seeing my crush in his pjs with rooster hair in the dc
- my new nickname: Google

So basically. Yeah.

Drunk night #1

First night of drunkenness this fall.
Happy college to me.
My roommate is on the silly side of drunk, Happy Birthday to Matt Howard, and bummer to the out-of-towners this weekend--it's been a crazy fun one.

I have The Darkness stuck in my head. [Oh, the memories...]

College = [undecided]


PS: Christine and I have made a pact to go to every single one of our classes for the next two weeks. You should hold us to that.

Gay club adventures

This is right after I got off of the phone with Lauren.







That's right, bitches.

P.S. - I'm in the process of choosing another picture hosting website so stay tuned for the link. Pictures of the Love Parade and more gay clubbing will be included.

A photo essay of my week.

[my dorm and the gorgeous clouds after the rain]

[the sunset after thunderstorms]

[board games are vicious things]

[it's how we be]

[Freeb!rds at 2.30am - 90's boyband pose]

[insert daily drunk phone calls, sleepovers, dancing, singing, conversations about the social implications of Goodnight Moon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, samurai hair and comic books throughout]

Whaaaaaaaaaat

Fucking crazy weekend. I was finally dragged out to The Crib on Thursday night and I would have to say it was quite great. Then I went to bed at 3 and got up at 7:30 for class, then the hell back to sleep. Baseball party last night. I broke my fucking shoe. It sucked. Today we were gonna go to Haight but we walked around the lake and fell asleep. And tonight I watched Boondock Saints with Hailee and I'm so out of it. I just need to go to bed. The bathroom is so far away.

Because, really, this sort of thing happens all the time

Drinking, clubbing, bumming a cigarette off of Carson Kressley, smoking a joint, hooking up, and watching the sunrise for the second day in a row. Oh, and of course, getting a chance to talk to both my girls. Altogether, not a bad evening.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

I would like to make an announcement.
Today, for the very first time ever, Lauren Kunin went to a gym and worked out.

Yes, that's right. Try not to fall over from excitement.

I'd like to thank my friends for the encouragement. I couldn't have done it without you.

Yoga on Mondays, weight training on Tuesdays and Thursdays.


My mother is so proud.

HA.


Oh, and, I got drunk dialed by Meghann today. It was almost as exciting as my physical exhertion.
I miss you!

Matt's future boss

Reading for Columbia, no doubt.

Matt!

I just read a blurb about The Devil Wears Prada movie in Us Weekly! Anne Hathaway is Andrea, Meryl Streep is Miranda, and Adrian Grenier is Alex.

What a random weekend

I went to like six parties cuz we'd be at one for a bit and then it'd get lame so we moved on. But we didn't go to Andy's, which is good considering they're probably getting sick of the drunk straight kids. Whatever. On Saturday I got everyone to go to the Love Parade and we met up with my cousins and yeah it was pretty crazy. Lots of mad dancing and naked people. We also stopped by Forever 21 because we lead meaningless, consumer-driven lives. Chelsea's little sister stayed over for the weekend and then her friend Cameron slept on our floor on Saturday, but I didn't like him. Way too, "I'm the man." It's all kind of blurry not so much because I drank but more because the most random stuff happened and there was a lot of it.

Oh but here's a story! So it's Saturday night and Matt and Jason are over to carry my TV to my room and Chelsea and her sister are downstairs finding Cameron. So Jason, Matt, and I are sitting around and these two girls come by and one points to me and goes to the other, "Is that the one?" So I'm thinking, sorry we're loud. But she goes, "We have a complaint. That jacket you're wearing belongs to my friend. Someone stole it from her laundry." We're talking about my blue Hollister jacket. So I take it off and hand it to her so she can see the bleach stains from my deoderant and such because clearly it's mine. So the one girl (who is acting like an RA or something) goes, "Well, she identified this stain," and she points to a spot where I got Nico's refried beans on the arms. And I'm like, "But this is my jacket. Ask this guy ::point to Jason::, I've been wearing it for three years." And the girl who supposedly owns my jacket goes, "Well, I guess it means more to you than it does to me." And I'm like, "Yeah because it's MINE." So the "RA" goes "Well just so you know, don't steal laundry. It's really not good." And by this time I'm pissed so I'm like, "Yeah, no shit." "Well we just have to tell everyone just in case." "THANKS FOR THE NEWSFLASH!" So in short they left and I was like shaking from the absurdity of it all. So did this girl see me wearing it, grab her friend, follow me when we were taking up the TV, then leave and come back? I dunno. But I saw her (the authority figure) at lunch with Hailee yesterday so we took a cell phone picture. Good story, huh?

Enjoy the silence [?]

It's mandatory that I write something in here, in honor of the first rain of the season.

After three hours of talking to Topher [and not reading for my Art History class], I can finally accept some peace of mind that comes with the kind of friends I've made. It's rare to find people you can really talk to, but it's rarer to find people who will really listen.

It has stopped raining, but the sound of water on glass still breaks the silence.
The thought in my head: I wish I danced in the rain.


Waking up tomorrow will be painful. I couldn't care less.

That's just fabulous!

My night included a visit to the ultra-exclusive, by-invitation-only club Milk and Honey, then later a party at the spectacular Ritz hotel. I love New York.

Got down with my bad self

Today was the first day of classes: a complete day, actually, my first one in a while. Events included sociology class, weight training intro, signing up for yoga classes, buying tickets to see John Cleese, talking to Jason, seeing the aftermath of some sort of rocket or satellite or missile launch, having a badass dance party in our floor's lounge, and laughing til it hurt on the floor of Kirsten and Kristin's room. Again.
Tomorrow is jam-packed [as all fridays will be], complete with two classes and two sessions, a soccer game, a margarita mixer/dance party, and whatever else the day decides to throw at me.
Corpse Bride and clubbing [yes, clubbing] on Saturday.

I really do love college. Sometimes I wonder if it really is all downhill from here.

Whatever. I'm living in the moment and enjoying myself immensely.
But there are some people I will always miss.

Who would've thought

That in the most liberal city in this country, I'd have any trouble finding people to go to protests and festivals with. I've made a tight group of friends with two of the few conservatives in this place. Well, Chelsea's family is hardcore Republican, but she's on the left side of apathetic. Hailee is really Republican, though, and so is Heather. This usually isn't a problem. I save my political discussions for dinner with Jason. However, there are two liberal events this weekend and I'm stuck with possibly no one to go with. First is the College Not Combat rally. Wes will go, but Chelsea probably isn't interested, and Hailee definitely wouldn't go. I'm actually more interested in the Love Parade that starts a few hours later, but Wes is working at the AIDS center (he counsels people who call the hotline) untl 5:30. Chelsea will go, and I bet I can convince Hailee and Heather to go. It's not political. You may have heard of the Berlin Love Parade -- ours in SF is the only one in America and much smaller, but with the same love, peace, tolerance, and art message. We'll see.

An e-mail from my professor, the distinguished Andrew Lear

Hi, class,
The question about The Poet and the Women (Thesmaphoriazousai) is: what is the place of anal intercourse in this play's value-system, and why is Agathon, in particular, an object of its mockery? You know Agathon, of course, from Plato's Symposium; remember, however, that this play pre-dates the Symposium (probably by @30 years).
I chose this translation, by the by, because I like the series, and it is cheap. I didn't know it in particular. As it turns out, I like it a lot, but it is a bit too euphemistic about sexual matters. Aristophanes is crude, by our standards.
On page 101, Euripides does not say "he meets his clients during the nighttime": he says, "you must have fucked him but don't know him"
(ie you haven't seen his face).
On p. 109, Mnesilochos does not say "Intimate, you might say." but "It has a smell of little cock" (presumably Agathon's)
On p. 118, Cleisthenes does not say, "I come as a friend", but "greetings to those who share my way-of-life".
On p. 141, the Scythian does not say, "If he was tied up da oder way round, etc." but "if his ass-hole was facing the other way, I would understand if you fucked him." and he uses words for rear end and fucking liberally throughout.
And on p.143 instead of "oh da beautiful shape etc." he says "there, that is better for my cock" (presumably taking his stage-phallus out from under his cloak)
Anyway, that should give you some more Aristophanic flavor. AL

(This message is associated with Homosexuality in the Classical World)

I have a new San Francisco wardrobe

Unfortunately it has been hot and sunny for the past two days. Whoops.

Anyway, this weekend my mom and Sean flew up and Sean stayed with me in the dorm. Interesting times. On Friday we went to Crustacean (my favorite restaurant) and after that I basically took a shower while Sean MySpace'd and crashed. Got up way too early on Saturday to go have lunch at Raleigh's with Tami, Jamie, and Ian. Fat ass guacamole burger. Then on to the Cal game where I got a little sunburned but it was all good cuz we won and I saw one of the staffers from camp. But I had a raging headache so after Sean and I got dropped off I made him order sushi for us and then go downstairs to get it when the delivery guy came. We ate on the floor and watched Troy -- magnificent. Heather, Hailee, and Wes all stopped by for a while, too.

Sunday was a challenge cuz I had to get up, eat breakfast, walk to the mall with Wes and Hailee to buy Chelsea birthday presents and balloons, walk back, set everything up, then go downtown with my mom to the THREE STORY FOREVER 21. Holy god, it was the only place we shopped cuz I bought so much stuff. So now I actually own long sleeve shirts. And my mom offered to fly me down sometime in October but since there really isn't much for me to do in San Diego, she's gonna come up here and we'll shop and eat at nice restaurants. SCORE. So they had to get to their flight in Oakland so they couldn't drive me back to school, so I Muni'd it all by my big girl self back to school. When I got back Wes was asleep on my bed and Chelsea and Jason were running around. I napped for like ten minutes and then got dressed and we took Muni allllllll the way to Ghirardelli and had dinner at Lori's. We appointed Wes as our "watch for the stop" guy on the way back but he botched it and we had to get on another bus and make the driver turn around for us heehee. But we did make it home, made some popcorn and hot chocolate, watched A Lot Live Love, and crashed. Then Chelsea and I slept through class today. Ha.

Happy 21st Birthday to me!

Ladies and gentleman, I'm of drinking age. I'm also from Lakewood, Ohio.

No one is ever too old for Disneyland.

Well anyway

My computer has yet to be fixed, but I've managed to keep it on for about two hours today. Behold the power of positive thinking. Most of that time has been filled with downloading every possible live John Mayer song I can find, which I was inspired to do last week. So my iPod is dancing.

So the first couple weeks of school were really sunny and I got used to it, but now it's been cloudy for a while and I'm having to adjust. I actually think it's quite pretty, though. Yesterday I went on one of my almost daily expeditions (because I walk everywhere now) and the fog resting on the hills is very atmospheric, as my mom would say. I walked to the gym, went on a quest to find the post office, and bought some magazines at Borders, all with my soundtrack of live John Mayer music (I highly recommend "Message in a Bottle" and "Do You Suppose" with Dispatch). And so it is, San Francisco's weather is not that bad.

My mom and brother are coming up this weekend and Sean is going to sleep here. I'm expected to entertain him on Saturday night. Thus far I've planned to order in sushi and rent a movie, and depending on what Saturday night adventure is happening, he might go with us into the city. That could get interesting.

P.S. - Don't be lured by the seemingly fantastic concept of fat free cheese. You'd think I would've known better.

ATTENTION:

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Thanks and have a great day.

Oh give me a home...

Moving is like reinventing yourself, but better, because you have your past to build on.
But going back is like reminding yourself, you've grown up, but part of you still belongs here.

I never thought six weeks could change everything in the way that it did. I never thought living in a small dirty box, constantly surrounded by noise and other people would be anything but misery. I've also never liked admitting I was wrong.
But I was. Wrong.

I've been awake today for a little more than two hours, and my large room, filled with books and treasures and memories of my past, feels barren, blank. It's like I'm looking into someone else's life, someone else's past, someone else's story. I've read the memoir and I remember the events, but I'm no longer sure it's me who's lived them.

It makes me laugh, because if I had said to my friends, seven or eight weeks ago, that living in a small dorm room surrounded by dozens of people constantly going in and out, would be my idea of home, they would have thought I needed to be exercised.
I've grown more in the past six weeks than I have in months. I guess that's what being uncomfortable does: it teaches you things, mostly about yourself.

But now I'm "home" in San Diego, sick, as luck would have it, and missing my Santa Barbara company more than anyone would have expected.

But the icing on the cake is: this IS me.

I just thought you all should know

That Meghann is inebriated right now and just got back from the Castro with: Heather, Hailee, Chelsea, Nima, Jason, Wes and Beau.

Thank you, San Francisco!

Fucking electronics

So essentially -- after much conversation with the HP people -- my laptop has some sort of hardware problem and they're going to come pick it up and fix it. Luckily I have Chelsea's laptop and a bajillion PC's around to use. However, they suggested that I back up my laptop before I give it to them. So tomorrow I'm going to buy a cable at the bookstore to do this. I will try in the PC lab, and if that doesn't work, I have a friend with a desktop in his dorm room. The sheisty thing is that I don't think I can get 600 songs off of my computer and burn them onto discs. Can I? We'll see. My friend Hailee had this problem but she downloaded a program from the internet that let her put all of her music from her ipod onto a new computer. Sucks butt.

Otherwise, today was fine. The frozen yogurt in the dining center is fixed and it basically makes my life. And I had the most amazing sandwich for dinner -- chicken, avocado, and pesto on focaccia bread. Holy god. Incredible. Tomorrow is class, bookstore, gym, three-story Forever 21 on Powell, then Joe's and Ghirardelli with Heather's boyfriend, the Nimanator. Hope all is well with you bitches and hos. Peace out.

ta·boo also ta·bu
adj.

1. Excluded or forbidden from use, approach, or mention: a taboo subject.

It's strange what I can and can't say these days.

---------------------

Final exam number one in about 9 hours. | Final exam number two in about 35 hours.
An odd week at home and then back to chaos, the end of the beginning.

"You mean," asked Avon, quite amazed, "that after all this time, we're just beginning? I had no idea how far you have to go before you can start. Almost makes me want to stop."
"You can't do that, either," said Edward severely.
"Why?"
"Can't very well stop if you haven't started, can you?"
"Edward," cried Avon, "I never knew how important it was to start before you begin."
And turning around, they began.



[from The End of the Beginning: Being the Adventures of a Small Snail (and an Even Smaller Ant) by AVI. I highly recommend it.]

JOHN MAYER TRIO

Fucking brilliant, pretty much. At first I was a little eh on all the new non-John Mayer music, but it's actually really awesome. And of course he played all his good songs. I got a full video of "Daughters" on my camera. Does anyone know how to put those on the internet? Check webshots tomorrow. Also, more adventures on public transport. "You don't need that laughin'! You need some ::slap slap:: and good conversation." Yeah Boom Boom Room. Stay tuned for our Thursday night adventure to Joe's Crab Shack and possibly a gay club. We'll see.

In other news, I have class at 8. I have class at 8 every morning, so don't call me after 11:30. And I've got three (perhaps four? Four girls and a gay guy? Maybe) room mates planned for next year. What a fucking mad house.

Coldplay...and then some.

Seventh row seats to the most spectacular and stimulating concert, ever, accompanied by two serious partners in crime. Word of the night: AWESOME.

pre-concert in the parking lot

between the opening and main acts

the start of the show

after Chris Martin came within two feet of us

"my song is love..."

See/hear my new favorite song off the album.

I feel like I woudn't be a true fan if I didn't make some sort of plug for www.maketradefair.com

A week and some partying later, finals have come to bite me on the ass. Two more tests, two letter grades, one blank GPA box to be filled on my record.
No pressure.

Um so yeah basically

Pretty much the most out of control weekend of my life. New pictures on Webshots to illustrate. Yesterday I woke up at 1 pm and did NOTHING and watched The Sweetest Thing. Today we went to Fisherman's Wharf, had fun on public transportation, ate soup in bread bowls at the original Boudin. Had fun with the Bush Man. Heather met a gangsta on the bus and his cousin came up to ask for her number. It was great. Ta ta bitches.

SoHo Adventures

LeeAnn told me about a gallery showing for Visionaire, so I had my first visit to SoHo.

The writing on the wall

My suite bathroom after our second night in Carman 712.