Sometimes I'm a little stupid, maybe, a little slow in the head, so I'm wondering if you can help me get something straight. Maybe you can help me understand one fucking thing right now, America, and explain to me what in the Christ is going on here. 'Cause, unless I'm missing something, this country is in the middle of a motherfucking shitstorm, and I have no fucking idea what you're gonna do to get out of it. I mean, are you seriously considering voting for one of these shitbags you got here in '08? Fat fucking chance.
Way I see it, America needs a president who's gonna somehow un-royally screw up the Middle East, do some serious cleaning up after you dropped your pants and took a steaming dump all over the fucking environment, and—boom!—restore dignity, honor, and all that shit to these United States.
See, I got solutions to all your problems—I got 'em right here in my big, hairy ballsack.
2 comments:
this is me being confused.
at first i thought you wrote that. and i was like, ewww. lauren stop talking about your ballsack. and then clicked the jump and then i was like...what the fuck jimmy carter? have you lost your mind?
but if its from the onion does that mean someone else wrote it? please clarify for your out-of-the-loop readers
sincerely,
confused in california
Dear confused in california,
Seeing as Jimmy Carter is 84, I'm sure he has much better things to do than write such things, like play golf and try not to die. Therefore, I seriously doubt he is the author of that article.
Love,
Lauren
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