Travelling soldier

I am easily disoriented. For the past few years, every time I got home from a week at camp, I would feel anxious and depressed for a few days until I adjusted to summer. I thought maybe it was because school would end abruptly and I would immediately be whisked away to an alternate universe of constant excitement, only to be dropped back into reality without a new game plan. Last year I felt it a little bit more, because instead of going home, I went back to a new apartment and a new internship, not yet adjusted to the new lifestyle.

This year is particularly bad. And it's funny because after I made it through my ordeal and moved into my new apartment, I was so comfortable and at peace with it. When I first got back to San Diego, I was bored as hell and a little frustrated that I had left my new apartment, where I was having such an easy time adjusting. But I adjusted back to my San Diego life and I was having a pretty good time despite the fact that I wasn't really doing anything. So now I'm back in this apartment that I love but I am depressed and anxious because I don't know what to do with myself. There's no TV to waste hours, my friends have all gone home for the summer, and I won't be working for another three weeks. I start school tomorrow but I don't know if that will do the trick. I have lived three different lives in the past month and I don't know how to adjust.

The shittiest part about this anxiety is that there really is no treatment except time. I could be working and going to school and hanging out with friends all day long and it wouldn't make a difference until my brain catches up to me. I can't even remember what I did before I was home. School seems like forever ago. All I want to do is go home and work at the bakery and hang out. It's weird how that is the most comfortable scenario I can think of.

What the hell am I going to do when I get to Paris? And when I get back? I'm going to have a freak out when I leave Paris and my home base is gone. I don't even like to think about it because I get sick to my stomach. Maybe I need a Xanax prescription.

Whatever. I'm going to the gym :).