Emotional Landscapes

My grandma died on Tuesday. It wasn't a surprise, it's been coming for a long time, but that doesn't necessarily make it easier for my mom. I'm mostly sad for her; I didn't really know my grandma. But I just don't know how to handle myself when my mom is sobbing on my shoulder because she "[doesn't] have a mommy anymore."

Face2Face

photo from http://www.jr-art.net/

As an undercover photographer, JR transforms his pictures into posters and makes open space photo galleries out of our streets... Using a camera he found once in the subway, JR finds inspiration in informal encounters he makes following his travels and his intuitions.

His latest project: Face2Face.

After traveling through Israel and Palestine with friend Marco, the pair concluded that Israelis and Palestinians "look the same; they speak almost the same language, like twin brothers raised in different families."

So they decided to display this idea by taking portraits of Israelis and Palestinians doing the same activities, making the faces, etc., and blowing up these photographs to an incredible size.
This Sunday, March 4th, they will install these images on both sides of of the Israeli/Palestinian separation wall, with hopes that the photographs will encourage more understanding between the Israeli and Palestinian people.

face2faceproject.com

thanks to Abbie for the tip

yeesh

The top five movies at the box office right now, according to RottenTomatoes.com:

13% The Messengers	$14.7M
06% Because I Said So	$13.1M
03% Epic Movie	$8.4M
45% Night at the Museum	$6.4M
27% Smokin' Aces	$6.1M

all bad.

Re: Oscar fever

I'm just going to preface this by saying that my predictions, as of right now, will be more of a discussion than a final choice. I have to admit that my deft predictions last year came after reading many an article and television spot on critics' choices.

Actor in a leading role: First I want to say, The Academy must love Ryan Gosling, because he didn't get a Golden Globe nod. I'll have to pick Forrest Whitaker for this one as well, although Peter O'Toole is a close second (based solely on reviews I've read about Venus).

Actor in a supporting role: I'm going to have to go with Eddie Murphy. I haven't seen Dreamgirls, but I heard that he was exceptional.

Actress in a leading role: Helen Mirren. End of discussion. Actually, PS, I feel for Kate Winslet because she gets nominated constantly and never wins. One day, Kate.

Actress in a supporting role: As much as we all love Abigail Breslin, it's just not going to happen. And apparently Jennifer Hudson is amazing, but it's her first film and first nomination, and The Academy puts a lot of weight on body of work versus individual performance. So I'm going to say Adriana Barraza or maybe Rinko Kikuchi. I haven't read enough reviews of Notes on a Scandal, but those two were break-outs in Babel.

Animated feature film: Cars.

This is the part where I skip the technical awards. I don't have much of an eye for that stuff, although I rightly predicted Titanic for make up in 1997.

Directing: Well I'm going to say Clint Eastwood (Letters from Iwo Jima), with Martin Scorsese close behind, because of that whole body of work thing. Martin Scorsese is to the Oscars what Susan Lucci was to the daytime Emmys. He might win based on his career, although I don't think (and I'm pretty sure the pros agree with me) The Departed is his best work.

Documentary feature: Probably An Inconvenient Truth, but that's pretty mainstream as far as documentaries go. I heard that God Grew Tired of Us was amazing -- why isn't it nominated? If a documentary about the Sudan won an Oscar, it wouldn't hurt.

Best picture: I'm going to say Babel or Letters from Iwo Jima. As much as I loved The Queen, the whole movie is predicated on Helen Mirren's performance, and everything else about it really pales in comparison.

Writing (adapted screenplay): Wouldn't it be amazing if Borat won? Other than that, it will probably go to The Departed. Don't ask me why, I have no idea.

Writing (original screenplay): Probably Letters from Iwo Jima. Apprently this movie was amazing and perhaps it should have been released wide, because I heard that Flags of our Fathers (it's English-language companion film) wasn't that good.

Again, this is all tentative. If I have a breakthrough in the next month, I'll be sure to update with more solid premonitions.

That's all

"It's amazing how much you can get when you quietly, clearly, and authoritatively demand it. That's all." - Meryl Streep

I am in love

The brilliance of the Apple iPhone. Now tell me that isn't the coolest mother-fucker you've ever seen.

These faces are our own

Happy New Year!

Studying Abroad (see: drowning)

So I'm wading into my future right now. I'm surrounded by all these potential possibilities and each one is contingent on the one before it. It all goes around in circles, but the point is that I have a series of decisions I need to make, and I need to make them very soon.
As several people have pointed out to me recently, I really can't make a "wrong" decision. And the only thing I'm really going to regret is not making a decision at all, or opting out entirely because I can't make up my mind. But all this running around in circles has made me dizzy - how can it possibly be that simple? (See: flabbergasted)

I've always assumed I would study abroad in college; I took it for granted. It was always easy to romanticize it, with hazy thoughts of strolls down foreign streets, intelligent and adventurous new friends, and the whole package deal includes a new outlook on life, for free! But now the realities are becoming clear, and I'm not going to lie - I'm pretty much scared shitless.
I like to think I'm an independent person, but really, that's an overstatement. I'm not a go-getter; I'm lazy, unmotivated, and used to regretting the things I didn't do instead of actually going out, taking initiative, and trying something new. So there's that gritty truth. And being by myself in a foreign country, perhaps not being fluent in the spoken language - it just terrifies me. I'm not used to not being comfortable. (See: spoiled)

So this is why I really think I should study abroad. Because it'll whip my ignorant American ass out of bed and into the real world. It will force me to be independent and figure things out and ask for help and make mistakes and deal with scary situations. Which is all character-building and shit, and good for me 'cause it's hard, and the spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, but I don't even know how to begin to prepare for something like this.

First - where to study. Actually, scratch that. First, I need to pick a major. Just for fun, let's say I choose Global and International Studies [doesn't that make me sound worldly? haha!]. This major requires 2 years of a foreign language. So what language? French? Spanish? I don't know. Swedish? Danish? Italian? Does it really even matter?
So where do I want to go [maybe that will help solve the language question]? England? That doesn't help. I'm stuck. But let's say I pick somewhere. Then how long do I go for? A semester sounds good, but I don't want to leave right when I'm just getting adjusted. A year sounds like a commitment I'm not sure I'm willing to make. Do I split it up and go two places? What about my boyfriend? Does he come with me, or not? Do we stay together or break up? I hate this. (See: clueless)

I hate making decisions. I'm so bad at them.

Well, fuck.

(See: welcome to the real world, Lauren.)

Mmmm genius

This is an excerpt from a Rolling Stone interview with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Colbert: I think the way you said it the other day on your show was "Bush is not dumb. He speaks to us like we're dumb.

Maureen Dowd: But just before he ran for president, he was still trying to figure out why North Korea and other hot spots were important.

Stewart: That's being uncurious about the world, and self-involved. But that has nothing to do with intelligence. It just would surprise you that someone who wants to lead the free world would not necessarily know what the free world consisted of. And had only been to Epcot Center. It was sort of like his trip to Baghdad. He went for four hours into the Green Zone and comes back and says Iraq is making great progress. It would be like if we went to the Olive Garden and started going, "I understand Italy."

I hate pet stores

They make me lose even more faith in humanity. People are dumb. Don't buy puppies from stores. Even The Daily Pet has enough sense to only adopt out rescues.

The Gospel

I feel like I've just been to church. And I have been saved.

The New Yorker is doing a college tour and this week they were at Berkeley. Tonight they had three panelists talking about reporting on the war. It was amazing. I've never heard people nail so many things on the head the way they did. The attitude of so many people in this country is disgusting. Especially the people I live with. This past weekend has shown me that the two of those boys don't think about anyone but themselves. And Chelsea, as much as I love her -- she doesn't think about other people either. I mean she'd kill for her friends and family...but she's apathetic to the rest of the world. She complains that she can't get the classes she wants because there aren't enough sections. I tell her it's because there's not enough funding. I tell her that if she voted for the propositions to increase public school funding, or voted against Shwarzenegger, that might change. But she doesn't want to vote. She thinks the government doesn't affect her. She expects other people to look out for her.

But I digress. This is just a prime example of the ridiculous people in this country. There are less than five Arabic speakers in the FBI. And not a single native speaker. All of them took a 9 week crash course and call themselves translators. It makes me want to learn Arabic, because journalists are doing the government's job. Journalists go abroad and talk with people and learn about their situations and try to understand where they're coming from. The government sits on its ass. I can't wait to be a journalist.

Party time, excellent!

While reading Newsweek on the elliptical this morning, I had a laugh out loud moment at one of the letters to the editor.

"I am one of Sacha Baron Cohen's many victims ("Behind the Schemes, Oct. 16). Because his handlers told me he was Borat Sagdiyev, "a TV journalist from Kazakhstan," I booked him for a live studio interview on our morning news show in Jackson, Miss., thinking he was a legitimate reporter doing a documentary to be shown in his home country. I checked out his public-relations company's Web site and even met one of the publicists in person. They seemed genuine. But once the camera was on him, this man destroyed our credibility in very short order. Because of him, my boss lost faith in my abilities and second-guessed everything I did thereafter. I spiraled into depression, and before I could recover I was released from my contract early. It took me three months to find another job and now I'm thousands of dollars in debt and struggling to keep my house out of foreclosure. How upsetting that a man who leaves so much harm in his path is lauded as a comedic genius. Think of all the other people who've probably been fired because of his antics." - D. A. Arthur, Panama City, Fla.

Now come on. If you're such a bad journalist that 1. You aren't in touch with popular culture, and 2. You don't do any research on your guests, I'm sorry but...you're an idiot and you deserve to lose your job. That's like whining because you invited Wayne and Garth to your news show because you thought they were really teenage music fans who broadcast a show from their basement.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S, this shit is

Get drunker than you've ever gotten before? Check
Do it two nights in a row? Check
Walk around in the shortest shorts you've ever worn? Check
Show everyone your bra and/or tits because your shirt just won't stay on? Check
Discover gnarly wounds without any recollection of getting them? Check
See someone throw up in the middle of the street and/or pass out on a streetcorner? Check
Almost get run over by cops on horseback? Check
See all of your housemate's asses? Check
Kiss your girlfriends? Check
Dance in a cage? Check
Pound the handle? Check

Halloween 2006. Obligatory post. So much better than last year. And it's not even the 31st yet.

Does that make me crazy?

Just as I was about to begin my own memoir, "The Devil Wears Her Hair Pulled Back Too Often," I came across former journalism adviser Olaina Anderson's latest pet project. How's this for a tagline?

"I used to have a life: high school teacher, journalism adviser. Then I had a miscarriage and complications. Now I'm creating a new life--after school."

All this and more at Olaina After School. Can't wait for the movie version, but how will they ever find someone with a large enough... oh, well, you know.

Snide comments aside, I always knew she was a little crazy.

Melting down

It's a little terrifying when, all of the sudden, your future's brake lights go out and you slam right into it.

A few weeks ago I started working on my study abroad application. I scheduled a meeting with the chair of the Journalism department and quickly learned that, sorry, journalism isn't offered in Paris. SFSU Journalism is one of only 100 accredited programs in the US, and therefore to study journalism abroad I have to go to one of the countries they have specific arrangements with (Denmark, Wales, Australia). Well, okay then. She made it seem as if I was screwed, but after a few rounds of "are you sure, because the study abroad people said I could..." she finally told me that she thinks I should go and we outlined a class plan (that unfortunately involves summer school this and next summer) to make it happen.

Then she suggested graduate school. Finally, the answer I've been looking for. She told me that magazine writing, aside from being competitive, is tricky because very few magazines have a writing staff -- it's mostly done by freelance. So graduate school gives the edge. She suggest NYU. I light up because I've done the research and that was already my first pick. Columbia is good, too. Northwestern has some weird system and it very cliquey. She nixed USC -- good thing, too, cuz I'm not a fan. So how to best package myself for grad school? Great, I thought I put that behind me when I finished college applications. Anyway. Major in French, she says. They'll prefer someone who has immersed themselves in a subject. I understand, but I'm not quite ready to give up a BA in magazine journalism. Then it hits me: double major. With two classes in summer school and the two or three extra spaces in my schedule while I'm in Paris, I've got plenty of time to take the four upper division classes I need to turn my French minor into a French major. So there it is. I am a double major. After this study abroad business is squared away, I'll probably be in that office monthly. I'm hungry for advice. Plus, I'll need her as a recommendation on my grad school application. Yikes. I don't even want to know what those student loans are going to look like. And this time, unless my mom is feeling incredibly generous, I'll be on my own.

And as my luck would have it, I'm back to desperate need of a job. I found one for Fridays amazingly easily (answered the ad, called me back, interviewed and hired me all within 24 hours) but of course, I should've known it was too good to be true. Last Thursday night at 8 (while I was working out) I got a call saying that both parents had gotten telecommuting privileges on Fridays and so I was no longer needed. He called to tell me this 12 hours before I would've gone to their house. So I worked for them three times. Fucked up. I've had some interviews, it's going slowly. I have an interview for a real job on Wednesday. I can only pray at this point.

In other news, the darling baby kitten is officially testicle-free. I dropped him off at the SPCA Wednesday morning after 30 minutes of nasty traffic and him screaming in the carrier, then picked him up that evening. He was completely doped up on kitten Vicodin or what it was. My roommates still don't believe that he will be happier this way.

I'm seeing red

All things being equal, they are not.
As first world consumers, we have tremendous power. What we collectively choose to buy, or not to buy, can change the course of life and history on this planet.

A bit melodramatic, perhaps, but it's the concept behind (RED).

When you buy any of the products that support Product (RED), the parent company (Apple, GAP, American Express, and Motorola are just a few) will donate some of its profits to buy and distribute anti-retroviral medicine to people dying of AIDS in Africa.

(I've seen their stuff at the GAP and it looks pretty good.)

Check it out.

Puck, mommy is tired

I feel like I just had a baby. Utter exhaustion. After four nights of Ruben's friends going to bed at 3 and waking up at 8, plus two nights of the kitten not sleeping more than 3 hours straight...yesterday was a BAD day. I got up early, took Puck to the pet store to get his shots and such. That went well. Came back, read in the living room and he didn't cry when I left him in my room. Took a nap. Woke up from nap. Mental breakdown. I think my body assumed that the nap would be a full night's sleep, and when I woke up I basically became hysterical. I need Prozac when I'm sleep deprived. It's serious. Luckily, I should be catching up on my sleep soon. Last night I went to bed I worked that kitten out so hard that he passed out at 11 with me and didn't wake up again until 5:30. Then I basically tossed him off the bed repeatedly until he found something else to do or just went to sleep next to me. I don't remember because I put my ear plugs in. He loooooves to wrestle in the morning. He comes up and lays down under my chin like he's going to snuggle. Then he rolls sideways and starting batting and kicking my neck. Oy. At least he's getting better. The HEPA vacuum is coming in the mail soon so he'll be able to play all throughout the apartment, and I can boot him from my room if he won't let me sleep. I'm babysitting 8 hours this weekend, 12 bucks an hour, so that money will go to Puck's big toys.

On another note, Lauren and Mike came to San Francisco on Saturday and we had a grand old time. Unfortunately we were evaded by cookies made of 2 parts love, 3 parts orgasm, and 3 parts chocolate chips. Or something like that?

Here he is. . .!

What is my life?

Well, it's mostly jobs, furniture, and kitten planning.

On the job front: I'm suspending my search for a real job because I found a three week nannying gig for a family whose 3 1/2 year old daughter needs someone to watch her while she's in between her summer program and regular preschool. It's minimum wage ($8.82), but it's cool. I also found another family who was looking for a French speaking babysitter and have three evenings with them lined up for sure, more in the future. So hopefully I'll make some money in this time and then I'll look for a real job again.

And furniture. This past weekend we got TWO free, in-lovely-shape couches. One was donated by a coworker, another was found on the sidewalk and hauled to the apartment on skateboards, then up 9 flights of stairs. Silly boys. My bed is arriving tonight at approximately 10 pm. It's full, it's pillow-top, it's a year old and $50 -- it's basically magnificent. The search for sheets has been less successful, but I can deal with my twin XL flat sheet and duvet for a while. New bedding can be seen here. And this completes the ensemble. Now I'm on the lookout for a desk and a night stand. Found some great stuff on Craig's list, but the shite part about Craig's list is that many people post stuff and then don't check their email.

And thirdly, the big preparation for our baby kitten. After much careful planning (Cat trees! Premium kitten food! Vaccinations, deworming, neutering!), discussion on the Craig's list pet forum, and one major set-back (major but not disastrous, as I've learned. . .Blake (one of my roommate's) is allergic to cats. However. After much internet research (Google saves lives) I have discovered solutions. Item 1: there are many pet shampoos and washes that eliminate the allergenic cat protein. 2: a HEPA filter. 3: Kitty will live mostly in my 13x17 sqft. room (playing with this. And a helpful person on Craig's list also suggested taking kitty for walks (with this) to make sure he gets even more exercise and doesn't mind staying mostly in one room (I'll let him in the living room when I'm home). Sounds a little nutty, but I don't see why not. Cats'll do pretty much anything if you get them used to it at a young age. My kitten will be bathed and go for walks. I have always spoiled my pets, but there's only so far you can go with a hamster or a chinchilla (did you know my chinchillas, at one time, had HUGE hamster balls to run around the house -- and sometimes the backyard -- in. It's true. However the board and a hand vacuum proved to be more humane alternative). But rest assured -- I will never cook for my cat (as I've learned, there are some insane people out there who cook gourment dinners -- I'm talking beef, brown rice, and veggies type of stuff -- for their dogs) nor will the cat wear clothes or travel in a purse. Although I wouldn't mind potty training him.

So there it is. Life is coming together? Hopefully.

Remember her?

I have no comments. You'll have to see for yourself.

What does NATO Stand for?
Never A Dull Opportunity.