These Words

Say it with me now: DUH

2008-03-06T03:54:00.000-08:00

"There's no credible evidence that what's in Airborne can prevent colds or protect you from a germy environment," David Schardt, a nutritionist at the Center for Science in the Public Interest, said in a written statement this week. "Airborne is basically an overpriced, run-of-the-mill vitamin pill that's been cleverly, but deceptively, marketed."

Apparently Airborne just settled a class-action lawsuit for $23 million. I don't know whether to be happy for the plaintiffs (because lord knows Airborne has made a fortune off of this herbal Alka-Seltzer), or bonk them over the head for being a bunch of morons. There is NO cure/vaccine/whatever for the common cold. How many times does the CDC have to tell you? Take some DayQuil and drink some tea cuz you're going to have to ride it out like the rest of us.

(I actually yoinked the quote from Perez, but here's an article from a reputable news source.)

Bitch is the New Black

2008-02-25T04:12:00.000-08:00

The H-Bomb

The part about Tucker Carlson just tickles me. If the best a pundit can come up with is that Hillary emasculates him, then good.

Thanks, Dad.

2008-01-13T19:36:00.001-08:00

Scene I:

Kunin residence in San Diego, California. It is a warm winter day.

Lauren & her dad have just arrived home from doing errands. Lauren drove. They both get out of her car. Lauren walks around the back of the vehicle after locking it and meets her dad in the garage, where he is looking for something in his own car.
Lauren holds out her hand and waits for her dad to put money in it.

Lauren: So dad, where's my tip?

She doesn't actually expect to get anything.
Dad turns around and looks at her.

Dad: Your tip?

Lauren puts her hand on her hip.

Lauren: Yeah, you're supposed to tip your driver. Especially when they don't kill you in a car accident.

Dad is less than amused. He continues to look for something in his car.

Dad: You want a tip, eh?

Lauren: Yeah...

Dad pauses and thinks for a moment, then turns back to Lauren.

Dad: Learn how to say "condom" in Italian.

Oh, The Onion...

2008-01-10T21:18:00.000-08:00

I Got What America Needs Right Here

by Jimmy Carter

Sometimes I'm a little stupid, maybe, a little slow in the head, so I'm wondering if you can help me get something straight. Maybe you can help me understand one fucking thing right now, America, and explain to me what in the Christ is going on here. 'Cause, unless I'm missing something, this country is in the middle of a motherfucking shitstorm, and I have no fucking idea what you're gonna do to get out of it. I mean, are you seriously considering voting for one of these shitbags you got here in '08? Fat fucking chance.

Way I see it, America needs a president who's gonna somehow un-royally screw up the Middle East, do some serious cleaning up after you dropped your pants and took a steaming dump all over the fucking environment, and—boom!—restore dignity, honor, and all that shit to these United States.

See, I got solutions to all your problems—I got 'em right here in my big, hairy ballsack.

Read the rest...

Conservofascism

2008-01-09T13:24:00.000-08:00

"The idea that the [9/11] attack was because of American foreign policy...it has nothing to do with our foreign policy. It is because of their ideas, their theories -- the things that they have done in the way they've perverted their religion into a hatred of us. And what's at stake are the things that are best about us: our freedom of religion, our freedom for women, our right to vote, our free economic system. Our foreign policy is irrelevant." - Rudy Giuliani, 01/05/08

So what you're saying is...terrorist attacks threaten our freedom for women? Why, because women die in terrorist attacks? And then they can't vote or become doctors? I can honestly say that I have never heard anything more convoluted in my life. This is pure propaganda. Next you're going to tell me the the government is full of Communist spies and the Jews really were responsible for the collapse of the German economy.

That's right, guys. They hate us for our freedom.

hey, assholes

2007-12-28T22:35:00.000-08:00

what are the rest of us supposed to do for new year's, eh?

it's hard to be a Jew on Christmas...

2007-12-25T22:26:00.000-08:00

...especially if your crew is already in Europe.

Alright, it's official: I, like Meghann before me, am branching off and starting my own blog for Italy: www.laurenkunin.com [for some reason you have to type in the "www" part or else it doesn't work. I'm working on it].

I'll give you my address in Rome as soon as I find out what it is.

Anyway, Merry Christmas, or Buon Natale!

20 days until I leave! Ahhhhhhh!

I wonder if there's a suitable translation for "peace out" in Italian. I shall research and report back, never fear.

Peace out!

What do you do with the pieces of a broken heart?

2007-11-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

I keep changing this post because every time I read it it just sounds so overly dramatic.

Mike and I broke up, it fucking sucks, and that's life. Let's leave it at that.

Bring back Bill

2007-11-05T15:23:00.001-08:00

"Charlie Rangel wants me to pay more taxes so you can pay less, and I think that's a good idea." - Bill Clinton, Harlem

I really need to know

2007-10-13T02:39:00.000-07:00

This is bugging me. A lot. So much that I am inspired to make a Facebook group just so I can get a big discussion going about it. But the question is this:

WHY do Republicans/conservatives/whoever loathe Hillary Clinton so much? I feel really ignorant not knowing, but it just astonishes me the amount of hatred that gets thrown at her. Is it because of Bill? Healthcare reform? Cuz she's a girl and she's blonde? I mean honestly, she's not even very liberal if you ask me. She supports the war, for fuck's sake. She's got a lot of the same ideas as, say, Barack Obama, but he doesn't get nearly as much crap for who he is. The way Republicans talk about her, it sounds less like they're against her politics and more like they're outright terrified of her. Is there something they know that I don't? (I'm gonna go with yes).

So does anyone have any insight? I just want to know what the big deal is.

Mission: accomplished

2007-08-24T06:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm here. I'll talk about it later. Right now I need to sleep and try not to have a complete emotional breakdown.

Chez Meghann

2007-08-20T14:56:00.001-07:00

Marihuana: The Weed With Roots in Hell

2007-08-15T14:36:00.001-07:00

Jean Cocteau, The Act of Creation, 1949

2007-08-15T14:24:00.000-07:00

If you like Harry Potter...

2007-07-22T10:55:00.000-07:00

What the fuck?

2007-07-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

Ditech is wrong. People are NOT smart.

Controversy over a new advertising campaign by Trojan, the condom maker, has trickled down to the local level, with television stations in Pittsburgh roundly refusing to show it, and stations in Seattle giving it the green light.

When Trojan introduced the condom commercial last month, it was rejected as national advertising by both CBS and Fox. Fox said it objected to the message that condoms can prevent pregnancy, while CBS said it was not “appropriate,” drawing a firestorm of criticism from public health advocates and bloggers...

...In the commercial, women in a bar are find themselves sitting next to pigs, one of which metamorphoses into a handsome suitor after it procures a condom from a vending machine. The tag line: “Evolve. Use a condom every time.”

“The spot was pretty clever, but not one that we thought was appropriate for the market,” said Ray Carter, general manager of WPXI, the NBC affiliate in Pittsburgh.

As for NBC accepting the ad, which will still be broadcast on the national slots on his station, Mr. Carter said: “I’m not employed by NBC. We’re owned by Cox Television. In this situation, whether the network would accept the ad has little bearing on us.”

The Pittsburgh ABC affiliate, WTAE, also broke with its network in rejecting the ad. Rick Henry, the general manager, did not respond to a message seeking comment, but in a written response to Trojan, the station said, “WTAE will not accept or air advertising for Trojan or any other advertiser in the category.”

The CBS affiliate in Pittsburgh, KDKA, rejected the spot as well, echoing the decision of the national network. Trojan did not try to place the ad with the local Fox affiliate.

Seattle, by contrast, put out the welcome mat for the company: every station it approached, even affiliates for the two networks that rejected the ad — CBS and Fox — agreed to broadcast it.

Mr. Daniels of Trojan said he saw hypocrisy in networks accepting ads for products aimed at conditions like erectile dysfunction and herpes, but rejecting condom ads. “One of my hopes is that we see the networks’ standards evolve to be more practical and fair,” he said.

Please read the rest of the NY Times article here. It's worth it, just for the ridiculousness.

Untitled.

2007-07-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

Why do we strut out into the world every day thinking that we know everything about life and everything about love and everything about sex? I mean, you can watch Sex and the City until you know every line by heart, you can read books and watch movies and look on the internet and talk to your parents and friends until you're ready to teach Sex 101. But what you don't know could fill libraries. Big ones.
And what you don't know about relationships could fill entire cities.

It's been a year and a half [almost] and sometimes I still feel like I know nothing. I'm still an only child and I still have my tendencies; I'm still selfish and I still think about myself more than I think about him, I'm still the one who screws up 90 percent of the time - I'm the one who hurts him. He's kind and caring and sweet and as close to the perfect boyfriend as you can get... and sometimes it kills me. I mean, come on - I complain about how he's too nice. What the fuck is that?

But after three Mike-less weeks I've gotten into my own routine and now I'm confused because he's back and I'm fighting the urge to claw my way to independence again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I'm extraordinarily lucky and pleased with my good fortune.
But isn't it human nature to just always want more? And if I do want more, is that terrible?

We're gong to Rome together in six months and I want to be comfortable with myself with and without him. I feel like I'm in his shadow sometimes because he's so funny and charming and so often the life of the party. And I feel like a lot of people didn't get to know me very well last year because of it; it was always the Mike show and I never got a chance to give myself any sort of presence, because he's more entertaining and more likable and I just can't compete with that. Maybe I'm just making excuses or being juvenile or maybe I'm just scared. Either way, I do know that I can't take him for granted. But I can't take myself for granted, either.

I just had to let it out.

Jason Brent Johnson is a piece of shit

2007-06-28T12:31:00.000-07:00

And I know that is libel, but whatever.

So I had this teacher for newswriting last semester who I thought would be great, because he's a full-time staff writer for the Chronicle and has a truly impressive resume of jobs and internships. Unfortunately, he was a terrible educator. And what's worse, he was completely unwilling to improve his skills. Okay, if a staff position isn't hacking it and you want to make a little money on the side, do what everyone else does and freelance. Don't teach a college class -- full of intelligent adults, some of which will be as old if not older than you are -- unless you truly enjoy it.

So I spent three a hours a week last semester in Mr. Johnson's class, supposedly getting an introduction to the art of newswriting. Things started off well enough, but then he announced that we'd have a weekly quiz of ten questions taken from the Chronicle. That's right. We were to read the Chronicle cover to cover every day and then be quizzed on it. Aside from that fact that I was taking four other upper division classes, working, and reading the stupid text book for this class already, who even remembers EVERY SINGLE article they read in the newspaper? Needless to say I tanked these quizzes. He also gave us an AP style book quiz on the second class meeting, without ever having explained to us what the book was. He didn't tell us to study it, or even tell us, "don't forget, AP style quiz next week." Nope. He wrote it on his inaccurate syllabus and that was the end of it.

He read my first writing assignment in front of the class. So apparently, it was good enough to be published. I had taken journalism in high school, but he didn't know that. Did I mention that he assigned this first story to us without first practicing writing a full story in class? Yeah. We had written a couple leads, a couple nut graphs, and then it was, "ok kids, 500 word story. And I want interviews, but I'm not going to tell you that before you turn it in."

So after I received a C+ in this class because I hate reading the newspaper, I was pissed. I got A's on every single writing assignment and turned in all of my homework, but apparently that wasn't the ass-backwards point he was trying to prove. I managed to swing an A- in fucking statistics, but got my ass kicked in J221.

Up until now, it may seem that my grade was in proportion to my effort. However, it must be mentioned that in our review session for the final, he was still clarifying to several people in our class that a lead was supposed to contain about 50 words. As much as Olaina is a bitch, in that journalism class we learned how to write about 5 different kinds of stories and put together an 8 page newspaper in the time that this guy couldn't get across how to write a lead, let alone an entire story. Granted, I'm sure there were some idiots in that class, but if he hadn't wasted so much time on news quizzes and pod casts and other extraneous stuff, we might've actually mastered NEWSWRITING.

So I ran into Erna Smith, chair of the department and former Wall Street Journal reporter, in the pub lab yesterday and she asked me what I was doing for the summer. She asked me what I got in newswriting, I told her, and she said, "yeah, I saw that, and I thought, 'that can't be Meghann'." So there you have it. This woman has never seen me write more than a 2 page book critique and she knew that I couldn't have screwed over newswriting so badly.

So good riddance, Mr. Johnson. I'm sure I'll have a great time explaining the only C of my entire college career in my grad school interviews.

Travelling soldier

2007-06-24T15:01:00.000-07:00

I am easily disoriented. For the past few years, every time I got home from a week at camp, I would feel anxious and depressed for a few days until I adjusted to summer. I thought maybe it was because school would end abruptly and I would immediately be whisked away to an alternate universe of constant excitement, only to be dropped back into reality without a new game plan. Last year I felt it a little bit more, because instead of going home, I went back to a new apartment and a new internship, not yet adjusted to the new lifestyle.

This year is particularly bad. And it's funny because after I made it through my ordeal and moved into my new apartment, I was so comfortable and at peace with it. When I first got back to San Diego, I was bored as hell and a little frustrated that I had left my new apartment, where I was having such an easy time adjusting. But I adjusted back to my San Diego life and I was having a pretty good time despite the fact that I wasn't really doing anything. So now I'm back in this apartment that I love but I am depressed and anxious because I don't know what to do with myself. There's no TV to waste hours, my friends have all gone home for the summer, and I won't be working for another three weeks. I start school tomorrow but I don't know if that will do the trick. I have lived three different lives in the past month and I don't know how to adjust.

The shittiest part about this anxiety is that there really is no treatment except time. I could be working and going to school and hanging out with friends all day long and it wouldn't make a difference until my brain catches up to me. I can't even remember what I did before I was home. School seems like forever ago. All I want to do is go home and work at the bakery and hang out. It's weird how that is the most comfortable scenario I can think of.

What the hell am I going to do when I get to Paris? And when I get back? I'm going to have a freak out when I leave Paris and my home base is gone. I don't even like to think about it because I get sick to my stomach. Maybe I need a Xanax prescription.

Whatever. I'm going to the gym :).

Serve me the sky...

2007-06-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

So. Remember about seven months ago when I posted a little entry that looked like this?
Well. Seven months and a lot of stress later, I'm standing on my own two feet and I've finally figured things out:

I'm a Global Studies major, an Art History minor [I'm trying to get a job at the Santa Barbara Museum of Art this summer], and ladies and gentlemen, I am going to Rome next spring.

I win.

A few pearls of wisdom for you

2007-06-11T01:59:00.000-07:00

And if you've never watched Real Time with Bill Maher, I suggest you download it or something.

On the French:

"New rule: Conservatives have to stop rolling their eyes everytime they hear the word 'France.' Like just calling something 'French' is the ultimate argument winner. As if to say, 'what can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully conceived and brilliantly executed war in Iraq?' And yet, an American politician could not survive if he uttered the simple, true statement: France has a better health care system than we do, and we should steal it. Because here, simply dismissing an idea as 'French' passes for an argument. John Kerry? Couldn't vote for him, he looked French. Yeah, as opposed to the other guy, who just looked stupid.

Now last week France had an election, and people there approach an election differently -- THEY VOTE. 85% of them turned out. You couldn't get 85% of Americans to get off the couch if there was an election between tits and bigger tits and they were handing out free samples. Now maybe the high turnout has something to do with the fact that the French candidates are never asked about where they stand on evolution, prayer in school, abortion, stem cell research, or gay marriage. And if the candidate knows about a character in a book other than Jesus, it's not a drawback. The electorate doesn't vote for the guy they wanna have a croissant with, nor do they care about private lives.

In the current race, Segolene Royale has four kids but she never got married. And she's a Socialist. In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him a liberal, he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something. Mme. Royale's opponent is married but they live separately and lead separate lives. And the people are okay with that for the same reason they're okay with nude beaches -- because they're not a nation of six year olds who scream and giggle if they see pee pee parts!

They have weird ideas about privacy. They think it should be private. In France, even the mistresses have mistresses. To not have a lady on the side says to the voters, 'I'm not good at multitasking.'

Now like any country, France has its faults, like all of that ridiculous accordion music. But their health care is the best in the industrialized world, as is their poverty rate. And they're completely independent of Mid-East oil. And they're the greenest country, and they're not fat. And they have public intellectuals in France. We have Dr. Phil. They invented sex during the day, lingerie, and the tongue. Can't we admit we could learn something from them?

So, from now on, all you high-ranking Bush administration officials, because the French are righter than you on some things, when France comes up in conversation you are not allowed to roll your eyes. The only time you get to do that is when your hooker from Ms. Julia's is blowing you."

On George Bush:

"And finally, new rule. Jimmy Carter must be shipped off to Guantanamo Bay. Last weekend, former US president and current Al Qaeda operative Jimmy Carter launched an unprovoked attack on democracy itself by telling an Arkansas newspaper that the Bush administration has been the worst in history, and people were shocked. Arkansas has newspapers?

But once again, we were sucked into a phony controversy about who said what and how it hurts George Bush's feelings. Cuz when you hurt George Bush, you hurt America's feelings, and when you hurt America's feelings, you hurt the troops. And when that happens, Tinker Bell's light goes out and she dies.

Now as for Carter's assertion, I was up all night on Wikipedia doing an exhaustive search on former presidents and, while other presidents have sucked, Bush is like a smorgasbord of suck. He combines the corruption of Warren G. Harding, the warmongering of James Polk, and the abusive power of Richard Nixon.

Nixon got in trouble for illegally wiretapping Democratic headquarters -- Bush is illegally wiretapping the entire country. Nixon opened up relations with the Chinese -- Bush let them poison your dog. Herbert Hoover, who was literally named after a machine that sucks, sat on his ass through four years of the depression. But he was an actual engineer, and if someone had told him about global warming, he would've understood it before the penguins caught on fire. Ulysses S. Grant let his cronies loot the Republic, but he won his Civil War. Harding sucked, but he once said, 'I am not fit for the office, and never should have been here.' So at least he knew he sucked.

He never walked off stage like Bush does, after one of his embarrassing, language-mangling press conferences, with that smirk on his face like, 'nailed it!' Or maybe that's just the look you get when you have a showdown with the Democrats and you win, like he just did with Iraq. You don't get to be the worst president ever without a little help from the other side.

You know I like Jimmy Carter, but when the Republican fake-outrage machine pretended to be so upset at his remarks, Carter did what Democrats do and he backed down. He said his words were careless and misquoted, and the sun was in his eyes and his hearing aid went out, and he was molested by a clergyman. Instead of looking them in the eye and saying, 'no! I meant what I said because it was true. And speaking as the first citizen of Habitat for Humanity, let me take out my Jimmy Carter tool box and build you a house where we can meet and you can BLOW ME'."

Sins of the father

2007-04-20T13:27:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm just too affected by someone else's problems, but listening to Alec Baldwin's message on his daughter's voice mail just now. . .I literally almost broke down. More than 7 years ago, when I grabbed my backpack, got out of my father's car, and walked home, he left several messages just like that on my home phone. I recorded them on the empty space at the end of my Haftorah practice tapes. All I can say is I hope Ireland is strong enough to realize that she doesn't need an abusive egomaniac like that in her life, even if -- especially if --, he is her father.

Modern Times

2007-04-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

[via e-mail]

Dad:
Anything going on at USCB about the Virginia Tech thing? I was on the VT campus about 20 yrs ago; it's very pretty, & remote.

Me:
Um there was a candlelight vigil Monday night and the chancellor sent everyone emails and stuff. I don't know, I guess not too much. I don't really get it... I mean, I know it's a terrible tragedy, but people die every day from dumb shit like that. I mean, Iraq? hello? and they're glorifying the shooter sooo much... in the NY Times every day since Monday there has been at least a page dedicated to articles about the shooter, but barely anything for the victims, who are the ones who really matter. It seems like it just encourages copycats because of all the media attention this guy is getting.
Whatever.
The front page of the NY Times today was ridiculously depressing. Bombs in Baghdad, the supreme court decision about abortion, the shooter, an article about how colleges can't do shit about people like that, more suicide bomber things.

Why don't people do anything good these days? I mean, I know they do, but we never hear about it. It's very discouraging.

Dad:
It's one more tragedy in a world full of them, but you might expect it to hit home more on a college campus, just like the Columbine thing resonated with high schoolers and their parents, and 9/11 particularly with those (including me) who had some connection to the WTC (one of my first big consulting clients was on the 104/105 floors and lost more people than any other company). We're not going to change the 2nd amendment, but the best comment I've seen directed at the NRA is: "what part of 'well regulated' don't you understand?"

Don't know if you've discussed this in class or outside, but I have, especially lately: we're in a war that we went into without a clear objective and found ourselves in a no-win situation. It's Vietnam revisited. Back then there was a lot of noise, organized protest, eventually resulting in, among other things, shootings on college campuses, in Ohio and Mississippi, at least, not by wackos but by local authorities. Also resulting in the media taking a stand against the war, starting with Walter Cronkite, resulting in a President refusing to run for re-election, and ultimately withdrawal. But now, there's no protests, the media is way too unwilling to rock the boat or investigate and tell the truth. I have a hypothesis that with all the new media outlets since then, internet, cable tv, satellite radio, etc., what remains of the responsible press can't make enough money to keep going, so they have to pander to corporate owners and political contributors. There's never been any money in reporting on what good things people do, and now there's not enough profit in the business to allow for those kinds of things. There's no draft, so nobody is being asked to sacrifice anything, we all go about our daily lives pretty oblivious to the war. It's being run by an incompetent and corrupt administration for reasons of ego and personal enrichment. Finally the people have spoken in the last election, but the administration still doesn't listen. Phil Ochs wrote "it's always the old who lead us to the war / it's always the young who fall" I'm afraid it's up to you. . . .

Emotional Landscapes

2007-03-30T21:21:00.000-07:00

My grandma died on Tuesday. It wasn't a surprise, it's been coming for a long time, but that doesn't necessarily make it easier for my mom. I'm mostly sad for her; I didn't really know my grandma. But I just don't know how to handle myself when my mom is sobbing on my shoulder because she "[doesn't] have a mommy anymore."

Face2Face

2007-03-01T15:59:00.000-08:00

photo from http://www.jr-art.net/

As an undercover photographer, JR transforms his pictures into posters and makes open space photo galleries out of our streets... Using a camera he found once in the subway, JR finds inspiration in informal encounters he makes following his travels and his intuitions.

His latest project: Face2Face.

After traveling through Israel and Palestine with friend Marco, the pair concluded that Israelis and Palestinians "look the same; they speak almost the same language, like twin brothers raised in different families."

So they decided to display this idea by taking portraits of Israelis and Palestinians doing the same activities, making the faces, etc., and blowing up these photographs to an incredible size.
This Sunday, March 4th, they will install these images on both sides of of the Israeli/Palestinian separation wall, with hopes that the photographs will encourage more understanding between the Israeli and Palestinian people.

face2faceproject.com

thanks to Abbie for the tip

yeesh

2007-02-06T16:45:00.000-08:00

The top five movies at the box office right now, according to RottenTomatoes.com:

13% The Messengers	$14.7M
06% Because I Said So	$13.1M
03% Epic Movie	$8.4M
45% Night at the Museum	$6.4M
27% Smokin' Aces	$6.1M

all bad.

Re: Oscar fever

2007-01-24T16:35:00.000-08:00

I'm just going to preface this by saying that my predictions, as of right now, will be more of a discussion than a final choice. I have to admit that my deft predictions last year came after reading many an article and television spot on critics' choices.

Actor in a leading role: First I want to say, The Academy must love Ryan Gosling, because he didn't get a Golden Globe nod. I'll have to pick Forrest Whitaker for this one as well, although Peter O'Toole is a close second (based solely on reviews I've read about Venus).

Actor in a supporting role: I'm going to have to go with Eddie Murphy. I haven't seen Dreamgirls, but I heard that he was exceptional.

Actress in a leading role: Helen Mirren. End of discussion. Actually, PS, I feel for Kate Winslet because she gets nominated constantly and never wins. One day, Kate.

Actress in a supporting role: As much as we all love Abigail Breslin, it's just not going to happen. And apparently Jennifer Hudson is amazing, but it's her first film and first nomination, and The Academy puts a lot of weight on body of work versus individual performance. So I'm going to say Adriana Barraza or maybe Rinko Kikuchi. I haven't read enough reviews of Notes on a Scandal, but those two were break-outs in Babel.

Animated feature film: Cars.

This is the part where I skip the technical awards. I don't have much of an eye for that stuff, although I rightly predicted Titanic for make up in 1997.

Directing: Well I'm going to say Clint Eastwood (Letters from Iwo Jima), with Martin Scorsese close behind, because of that whole body of work thing. Martin Scorsese is to the Oscars what Susan Lucci was to the daytime Emmys. He might win based on his career, although I don't think (and I'm pretty sure the pros agree with me) The Departed is his best work.

Documentary feature: Probably An Inconvenient Truth, but that's pretty mainstream as far as documentaries go. I heard that God Grew Tired of Us was amazing -- why isn't it nominated? If a documentary about the Sudan won an Oscar, it wouldn't hurt.

Best picture: I'm going to say Babel or Letters from Iwo Jima. As much as I loved The Queen, the whole movie is predicated on Helen Mirren's performance, and everything else about it really pales in comparison.

Writing (adapted screenplay): Wouldn't it be amazing if Borat won? Other than that, it will probably go to The Departed. Don't ask me why, I have no idea.

Writing (original screenplay): Probably Letters from Iwo Jima. Apprently this movie was amazing and perhaps it should have been released wide, because I heard that Flags of our Fathers (it's English-language companion film) wasn't that good.

Again, this is all tentative. If I have a breakthrough in the next month, I'll be sure to update with more solid premonitions.

That's all

2007-01-20T20:51:00.000-08:00

"It's amazing how much you can get when you quietly, clearly, and authoritatively demand it. That's all." - Meryl Streep

I am in love

2007-01-10T00:07:00.000-08:00

The brilliance of the Apple iPhone. Now tell me that isn't the coolest mother-fucker you've ever seen.

These faces are our own

2007-01-06T03:14:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Studying Abroad (see: drowning)

2006-12-23T00:13:00.000-08:00

So I'm wading into my future right now. I'm surrounded by all these potential possibilities and each one is contingent on the one before it. It all goes around in circles, but the point is that I have a series of decisions I need to make, and I need to make them very soon.
As several people have pointed out to me recently, I really can't make a "wrong" decision. And the only thing I'm really going to regret is not making a decision at all, or opting out entirely because I can't make up my mind. But all this running around in circles has made me dizzy - how can it possibly be that simple? (See: flabbergasted)

I've always assumed I would study abroad in college; I took it for granted. It was always easy to romanticize it, with hazy thoughts of strolls down foreign streets, intelligent and adventurous new friends, and the whole package deal includes a new outlook on life, for free! But now the realities are becoming clear, and I'm not going to lie - I'm pretty much scared shitless.
I like to think I'm an independent person, but really, that's an overstatement. I'm not a go-getter; I'm lazy, unmotivated, and used to regretting the things I didn't do instead of actually going out, taking initiative, and trying something new. So there's that gritty truth. And being by myself in a foreign country, perhaps not being fluent in the spoken language - it just terrifies me. I'm not used to not being comfortable. (See: spoiled)

So this is why I really think I should study abroad. Because it'll whip my ignorant American ass out of bed and into the real world. It will force me to be independent and figure things out and ask for help and make mistakes and deal with scary situations. Which is all character-building and shit, and good for me 'cause it's hard, and the spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, but I don't even know how to begin to prepare for something like this.

First - where to study. Actually, scratch that. First, I need to pick a major. Just for fun, let's say I choose Global and International Studies [doesn't that make me sound worldly? haha!]. This major requires 2 years of a foreign language. So what language? French? Spanish? I don't know. Swedish? Danish? Italian? Does it really even matter?
So where do I want to go [maybe that will help solve the language question]? England? That doesn't help. I'm stuck. But let's say I pick somewhere. Then how long do I go for? A semester sounds good, but I don't want to leave right when I'm just getting adjusted. A year sounds like a commitment I'm not sure I'm willing to make. Do I split it up and go two places? What about my boyfriend? Does he come with me, or not? Do we stay together or break up? I hate this. (See: clueless)

I hate making decisions. I'm so bad at them.

Well, fuck.

(See: welcome to the real world, Lauren.)

Mmmm genius

2006-12-17T18:25:00.000-08:00

This is an excerpt from a Rolling Stone interview with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Colbert: I think the way you said it the other day on your show was "Bush is not dumb. He speaks to us like we're dumb.

Maureen Dowd: But just before he ran for president, he was still trying to figure out why North Korea and other hot spots were important.

Stewart: That's being uncurious about the world, and self-involved. But that has nothing to do with intelligence. It just would surprise you that someone who wants to lead the free world would not necessarily know what the free world consisted of. And had only been to Epcot Center. It was sort of like his trip to Baghdad. He went for four hours into the Green Zone and comes back and says Iraq is making great progress. It would be like if we went to the Olive Garden and started going, "I understand Italy."

I hate pet stores

2006-12-03T15:37:00.000-08:00

They make me lose even more faith in humanity. People are dumb. Don't buy puppies from stores. Even The Daily Pet has enough sense to only adopt out rescues.

The Gospel

2006-11-14T22:19:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've just been to church. And I have been saved.

The New Yorker is doing a college tour and this week they were at Berkeley. Tonight they had three panelists talking about reporting on the war. It was amazing. I've never heard people nail so many things on the head the way they did. The attitude of so many people in this country is disgusting. Especially the people I live with. This past weekend has shown me that the two of those boys don't think about anyone but themselves. And Chelsea, as much as I love her -- she doesn't think about other people either. I mean she'd kill for her friends and family...but she's apathetic to the rest of the world. She complains that she can't get the classes she wants because there aren't enough sections. I tell her it's because there's not enough funding. I tell her that if she voted for the propositions to increase public school funding, or voted against Shwarzenegger, that might change. But she doesn't want to vote. She thinks the government doesn't affect her. She expects other people to look out for her.

But I digress. This is just a prime example of the ridiculous people in this country. There are less than five Arabic speakers in the FBI. And not a single native speaker. All of them took a 9 week crash course and call themselves translators. It makes me want to learn Arabic, because journalists are doing the government's job. Journalists go abroad and talk with people and learn about their situations and try to understand where they're coming from. The government sits on its ass. I can't wait to be a journalist.

Party time, excellent!

2006-10-30T13:06:00.000-08:00

While reading Newsweek on the elliptical this morning, I had a laugh out loud moment at one of the letters to the editor.

"I am one of Sacha Baron Cohen's many victims ("Behind the Schemes, Oct. 16). Because his handlers told me he was Borat Sagdiyev, "a TV journalist from Kazakhstan," I booked him for a live studio interview on our morning news show in Jackson, Miss., thinking he was a legitimate reporter doing a documentary to be shown in his home country. I checked out his public-relations company's Web site and even met one of the publicists in person. They seemed genuine. But once the camera was on him, this man destroyed our credibility in very short order. Because of him, my boss lost faith in my abilities and second-guessed everything I did thereafter. I spiraled into depression, and before I could recover I was released from my contract early. It took me three months to find another job and now I'm thousands of dollars in debt and struggling to keep my house out of foreclosure. How upsetting that a man who leaves so much harm in his path is lauded as a comedic genius. Think of all the other people who've probably been fired because of his antics." - D. A. Arthur, Panama City, Fla.

Now come on. If you're such a bad journalist that 1. You aren't in touch with popular culture, and 2. You don't do any research on your guests, I'm sorry but...you're an idiot and you deserve to lose your job. That's like whining because you invited Wayne and Garth to your news show because you thought they were really teenage music fans who broadcast a show from their basement.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S, this shit is

2006-10-30T12:26:00.000-08:00

Get drunker than you've ever gotten before? Check
Do it two nights in a row? Check
Walk around in the shortest shorts you've ever worn? Check
Show everyone your bra and/or tits because your shirt just won't stay on? Check
Discover gnarly wounds without any recollection of getting them? Check
See someone throw up in the middle of the street and/or pass out on a streetcorner? Check
Almost get run over by cops on horseback? Check
See all of your housemate's asses? Check
Kiss your girlfriends? Check
Dance in a cage? Check
Pound the handle? Check

Halloween 2006. Obligatory post. So much better than last year. And it's not even the 31st yet.

Does that make me crazy?

2006-10-18T10:54:00.000-07:00

Just as I was about to begin my own memoir, "The Devil Wears Her Hair Pulled Back Too Often," I came across former journalism adviser Olaina Anderson's latest pet project. How's this for a tagline?

"I used to have a life: high school teacher, journalism adviser. Then I had a miscarriage and complications. Now I'm creating a new life--after school."

All this and more at Olaina After School. Can't wait for the movie version, but how will they ever find someone with a large enough... oh, well, you know.

Snide comments aside, I always knew she was a little crazy.

Melting down

2006-10-13T18:08:00.000-07:00

It's a little terrifying when, all of the sudden, your future's brake lights go out and you slam right into it.

A few weeks ago I started working on my study abroad application. I scheduled a meeting with the chair of the Journalism department and quickly learned that, sorry, journalism isn't offered in Paris. SFSU Journalism is one of only 100 accredited programs in the US, and therefore to study journalism abroad I have to go to one of the countries they have specific arrangements with (Denmark, Wales, Australia). Well, okay then. She made it seem as if I was screwed, but after a few rounds of "are you sure, because the study abroad people said I could..." she finally told me that she thinks I should go and we outlined a class plan (that unfortunately involves summer school this and next summer) to make it happen.

Then she suggested graduate school. Finally, the answer I've been looking for. She told me that magazine writing, aside from being competitive, is tricky because very few magazines have a writing staff -- it's mostly done by freelance. So graduate school gives the edge. She suggest NYU. I light up because I've done the research and that was already my first pick. Columbia is good, too. Northwestern has some weird system and it very cliquey. She nixed USC -- good thing, too, cuz I'm not a fan. So how to best package myself for grad school? Great, I thought I put that behind me when I finished college applications. Anyway. Major in French, she says. They'll prefer someone who has immersed themselves in a subject. I understand, but I'm not quite ready to give up a BA in magazine journalism. Then it hits me: double major. With two classes in summer school and the two or three extra spaces in my schedule while I'm in Paris, I've got plenty of time to take the four upper division classes I need to turn my French minor into a French major. So there it is. I am a double major. After this study abroad business is squared away, I'll probably be in that office monthly. I'm hungry for advice. Plus, I'll need her as a recommendation on my grad school application. Yikes. I don't even want to know what those student loans are going to look like. And this time, unless my mom is feeling incredibly generous, I'll be on my own.

And as my luck would have it, I'm back to desperate need of a job. I found one for Fridays amazingly easily (answered the ad, called me back, interviewed and hired me all within 24 hours) but of course, I should've known it was too good to be true. Last Thursday night at 8 (while I was working out) I got a call saying that both parents had gotten telecommuting privileges on Fridays and so I was no longer needed. He called to tell me this 12 hours before I would've gone to their house. So I worked for them three times. Fucked up. I've had some interviews, it's going slowly. I have an interview for a real job on Wednesday. I can only pray at this point.

In other news, the darling baby kitten is officially testicle-free. I dropped him off at the SPCA Wednesday morning after 30 minutes of nasty traffic and him screaming in the carrier, then picked him up that evening. He was completely doped up on kitten Vicodin or what it was. My roommates still don't believe that he will be happier this way.

I'm seeing red

2006-10-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

All things being equal, they are not.
As first world consumers, we have tremendous power. What we collectively choose to buy, or not to buy, can change the course of life and history on this planet.

A bit melodramatic, perhaps, but it's the concept behind (RED).

When you buy any of the products that support Product (RED), the parent company (Apple, GAP, American Express, and Motorola are just a few) will donate some of its profits to buy and distribute anti-retroviral medicine to people dying of AIDS in Africa.

(I've seen their stuff at the GAP and it looks pretty good.)

Check it out.

Puck, mommy is tired

2006-08-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

I feel like I just had a baby. Utter exhaustion. After four nights of Ruben's friends going to bed at 3 and waking up at 8, plus two nights of the kitten not sleeping more than 3 hours straight...yesterday was a BAD day. I got up early, took Puck to the pet store to get his shots and such. That went well. Came back, read in the living room and he didn't cry when I left him in my room. Took a nap. Woke up from nap. Mental breakdown. I think my body assumed that the nap would be a full night's sleep, and when I woke up I basically became hysterical. I need Prozac when I'm sleep deprived. It's serious. Luckily, I should be catching up on my sleep soon. Last night I went to bed I worked that kitten out so hard that he passed out at 11 with me and didn't wake up again until 5:30. Then I basically tossed him off the bed repeatedly until he found something else to do or just went to sleep next to me. I don't remember because I put my ear plugs in. He loooooves to wrestle in the morning. He comes up and lays down under my chin like he's going to snuggle. Then he rolls sideways and starting batting and kicking my neck. Oy. At least he's getting better. The HEPA vacuum is coming in the mail soon so he'll be able to play all throughout the apartment, and I can boot him from my room if he won't let me sleep. I'm babysitting 8 hours this weekend, 12 bucks an hour, so that money will go to Puck's big toys.

On another note, Lauren and Mike came to San Francisco on Saturday and we had a grand old time. Unfortunately we were evaded by cookies made of 2 parts love, 3 parts orgasm, and 3 parts chocolate chips. Or something like that?

Here he is. . .!

2006-08-04T23:49:00.000-07:00

What is my life?

2006-07-31T13:20:00.000-07:00

Well, it's mostly jobs, furniture, and kitten planning.

On the job front: I'm suspending my search for a real job because I found a three week nannying gig for a family whose 3 1/2 year old daughter needs someone to watch her while she's in between her summer program and regular preschool. It's minimum wage ($8.82), but it's cool. I also found another family who was looking for a French speaking babysitter and have three evenings with them lined up for sure, more in the future. So hopefully I'll make some money in this time and then I'll look for a real job again.

And furniture. This past weekend we got TWO free, in-lovely-shape couches. One was donated by a coworker, another was found on the sidewalk and hauled to the apartment on skateboards, then up 9 flights of stairs. Silly boys. My bed is arriving tonight at approximately 10 pm. It's full, it's pillow-top, it's a year old and $50 -- it's basically magnificent. The search for sheets has been less successful, but I can deal with my twin XL flat sheet and duvet for a while. New bedding can be seen here. And this completes the ensemble. Now I'm on the lookout for a desk and a night stand. Found some great stuff on Craig's list, but the shite part about Craig's list is that many people post stuff and then don't check their email.

And thirdly, the big preparation for our baby kitten. After much careful planning (Cat trees! Premium kitten food! Vaccinations, deworming, neutering!), discussion on the Craig's list pet forum, and one major set-back (major but not disastrous, as I've learned. . .Blake (one of my roommate's) is allergic to cats. However. After much internet research (Google saves lives) I have discovered solutions. Item 1: there are many pet shampoos and washes that eliminate the allergenic cat protein. 2: a HEPA filter. 3: Kitty will live mostly in my 13x17 sqft. room (playing with this. And a helpful person on Craig's list also suggested taking kitty for walks (with this) to make sure he gets even more exercise and doesn't mind staying mostly in one room (I'll let him in the living room when I'm home). Sounds a little nutty, but I don't see why not. Cats'll do pretty much anything if you get them used to it at a young age. My kitten will be bathed and go for walks. I have always spoiled my pets, but there's only so far you can go with a hamster or a chinchilla (did you know my chinchillas, at one time, had HUGE hamster balls to run around the house -- and sometimes the backyard -- in. It's true. However the board and a hand vacuum proved to be more humane alternative). But rest assured -- I will never cook for my cat (as I've learned, there are some insane people out there who cook gourment dinners -- I'm talking beef, brown rice, and veggies type of stuff -- for their dogs) nor will the cat wear clothes or travel in a purse. Although I wouldn't mind potty training him.

So there it is. Life is coming together? Hopefully.

Remember her?

2006-07-28T19:26:00.000-07:00

I have no comments. You'll have to see for yourself.

What does NATO Stand for?
Never A Dull Opportunity.

Sad day for me / I am Grace

2006-07-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, my former future husband has come out of the closet. However, I'd rather see him with a man than marrying another woman, so really, everyone wins here.

P.S. - his boyfriend is hot.

Um, aren't they ALL?

2006-07-26T15:10:00.000-07:00

So Lance Bass is gay.

I'll only be really excited when Justin comes out of the closet, too.

Oh, and um, it says in the People Magazine article that Lance "is developing an Odd Couple-inspired sitcom pilot with [Joey] Fatone in which his character will be gay."

Raise your hand if you think that's a bad idea.

K Thanks.

All the news that's fit to print

2006-07-25T15:32:00.000-07:00

Smart people are usually informed people, and I like the idea of being at least a semi-informed individual. There's a lot of shit that goes on in the world, and I'd like to know about at least some of it in a timely manner, not a week after it happens when someone asks me if I heard about it and I stare at them like an idiot. So I decided that I'd subscribe to a newspaper to be delivered to me daily. (Delivery anything is a good thing, if you ask me. Especially Chinese food.)
The Santa Barbara News Press is terrible and lame for reasons that neither you nor I really want to hear about, so my next choice was the LA Times. I made the commitment and subscribed online. A week later, then two weeks later, I hadn't had a single paper at my door. So I call to see what's going on, and after some confusion and awful music while being on hold, the man on the other end of the line tells me they don't deliver to Goleta. You'd think that they would say that when I signed up for the paper with my 93117 zip code, but that's obviously way too difficult to program into the registration website. Silly me. So no LA Times.
Next on my list was the New York Times. They deliver everywhere, right? Well, I actually don't know, but they do deliver to Goleta. Except it was going to cost me $6 a week (Okay, $5.95). The LA Times wasn't even $3/week. So I look at the Wall Street Journal, expecting it to cost around $10. Nope. $2 a week, sir, and actually with the student discount, about $1.30/week. With the NY Times student discount, my price goes all the way down to a whopping $4.90 per week. I am less than thrilled. But I want more news than stocks, so the New York Times it is, and they tell me I'll get my first paper this Friday. We'll see.

But I'm looking forward to the weekend, because I know when I wake up late, cook myself a nice big breakfast (or more likely, have my boyfriend cook me a nice big breakfast), and sit down to eat with a fatty newspaper to read, I'll feel pretty smart. Maybe I'll even wear my glasses.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Meghann.

A Cinderella Story

2006-07-10T15:47:00.000-07:00

I want to be this rich. From an article I'm working on:

"Ben Addoms, CEO of Quintess, is fond of telling the story of a member whose wife desired a rare pair of Manolo Blahnick shoes for their anniversary. 'She tore the page out of a magazine and gave it to him. He called around to try and find the shoes and couldn’t find them, so our concierge service called literally every outlet in the United States and found the last pair of size seven shoes. They were gift-wrapped and delivered two days before their anniversary.'”

Then again, I wouldn't mind knowing Manolo Blahnick personally so I could skip the whole personal concierge service thing.

Happy days are yours and mine?

2006-07-10T15:34:00.000-07:00

So... married people are happier than single people, people without children are happier than parents, and people who believe in God are happier than those who don't. Are you happy now?

Adventures in alternative lifestyles

2006-06-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

So it's looking like my mother is moving to the bay area in the fall. A headhunter emailed her a couple months ago about an infection control job at a hospital in Fremont, so she did a phone interview, and yesterday they flew her up here to interview with them. Now what will happen to Sean, you ask? Well, it's very interesting. A few months ago my mom decided she wanted to rent out our guest room to a med student or such to help pay my student loans. Well, that idea has recently been scrapped because Mohamed is moving in. After 4 years in London and finally getting a Visa to come here and take his medical equivalency exams, he's decided that it's not worth it to renew his work Visa in the UK, so he's coming to America. So he will be looking after Sean when my mom isn't there. I think she'll be flying down on the weekends, not sure yet. So she's gonna try to get a place in Montclair (near Oakland) or in the Berkeley hills, and she will be able to afford all this cuz this new job pays 15% more than what she's making now. Sooo yeah, my mom's gonna be living near me now (sort of). Very weird to think about, but at least it means she'll be taking Chelsea and me out to dinner in the city haha.

Doggy doctors and things

2006-06-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

So we took my poor dog to the emergency room today because after days of vomiting from both ends, several x-rays and an ultrasound, they finally figured out that she had a "foreign body" stuck in her intestine and she needed surgery to get it out.
Great.
So we're waiting at the emergency hospital and my mother reminded me that when I was little I wanted to be a veterinarian. She didn't mention that I also wanted to be a ballerina, an artist, a writer, a firewoman, an environmental-save-the-earth type, an astronaut, and a teacher at the same time. While my other aspirations continued on for weeks or months or years, my dream of being a veterinarian was cut short the day we put my first dog to sleep. Her veterinarian did it. I didn't know that vets kill dogs. But they do. And I don't. So I will never be a veterinarian.

Anyway, poor fucking Tika goes under the knife tonight. They think she has floss stuck in her intestine.
I never wanted to be a dentist.

On Manners

2006-06-19T12:28:00.000-07:00

I'm making my way through New York Magazine's Urban Etiquette Handbook, and I've got to say, some of this is relevant to us college students. And if you're a college student in New York, well then, aren't you special?

Is it ever acceptable to talk to a stranger on an elevator?
If there are six or fewer people on the elevator, no. However, if the group is larger than six, you have achieved an Elevator Humor Quorum and someone must make a remark about the elevator’s lack of size or speed in order to relieve the tension created by standing in a tiny space with six or more strangers. If another member of the group makes the remark first, Elevator Humor Solidarity obligates you to chuckle mildly.

I think we should make a college etiquette guide. I'll start:

Is it okay to mention information from the Facebook in conversation?
Rarely. While, in some circumstances, it is permissible to say "Happy Birthday" because you were reminded by Facebook, most other information should be kept to yourself for fear of looking like a stalker. Interests, activities, wall posts and photographs published on the Facebook should never be mentioned in person, especially in cases where you aren't "Friends" with the person you are talking to. If someone tells you something you already knew because you saw it on the Facebook, don't use the opportunity to display how much free time you have. Instead, react as though you are hearing the information for the first time.

An Inconvenient Truth.

2006-06-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived our their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there--on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner on another, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some priviledged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.

- Carl Sagan, Pale Blue Dot, 1994

GO SEE IT.

I can feel Jennifer Aniston crying

2006-06-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

Go look at the magazine and check out the picture of Brad holding her. It's intense.

Greetings from the Stone Age

2006-06-06T13:41:00.000-07:00

So I have the day off today and I am trying to find as many things to do as possible without spending money. If I sit in my apartment all day I'll go crazy because there is no internet and no TV. I have finished unpacking and organizing everything, I'm sick of reading. So today I got up and made myself Frosted Mini Wheats and eggs. Right now I'm at the library on campus using their computers ha. I had to come her anyway to buy myself a Muni pass and vote (in the dorms, random polling place). Anyway, I want to kill some time here before I got back home, have a snack, and go to the gym. By the way, I can't find my gym card. I dug it out last night and it is no where to be found. I'll have to sneak into the gym but I can only do that for so long. Maybe I'll tell them my wallet was stolen. Gah.

Comcast comes tomorrow and I will be out of the stone age. Now I need to start work so I can buy a couch. Justin and Chelsea are gonna camp out in the apartment this weekend. Big fun and free dinners out. I love Justin.

It's still not over

2006-06-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

Sooooooo a little update on my life because I haven't sat down in like a week. Last Thursday I had the mother of all freak outs and my mom and I screamed and hung up on each other and cried. Friday went pretty smoothly, actually. My mom arrived with the car, we dumped my shit in Berkeley, Chelsea and I cleaned, then signed out and hit the road for SLO. Which was amazing. We laid on Avila Beach and Bryan called and there were drunk people from the beer festival and yeah. We had amazing SELF SERVE frozen yogurt downtown. You go on and put your own flavors in and all the toppings you want and they charge you 24 cents an ounce. GENIUS. I didn't pay for the food the whole weekend because Justin threatened my life when I tried, so yeah. And Justin's room mate Tyler is truly the most insane person I have ever met. Many deep conversations while Justin and Chelsea were hooking it up upstairs. So yeah, SLO was incredible and I can't wait to go back.

Then two nights in Santa Rosa, coffee with Chris (the creator of Google as my nickname), and we moved in on Thursday. We have NO furniture, except for my TV table and a foam mattress I'm sleeping on. But we have pots and pans and food and dishes. So I can eat or sleep, basically. Comcast is coming on Wednesday morning to set up the internet and cable. Yesterday I addressed invitations and folded programs at my internship, then bussed it over to Haight where I'm pretty sure I got a job. The woman said they'd call but she asked when I could start and told me what I was allowed to wear so I guess that's good. Went "home" and baked salmon like a pro for dinner. Today we got up and drove back to SR for some anniversary party. Whatever, free food. Tomorrow I bus my ass back to SF so I can intern on Monday morning.

My life is really, really overwhelming and I hope I can pull through. Furniture will help.

It's, like, 'The Hills'

2006-05-31T22:21:00.000-07:00

Looks like all it takes to get an internship at Teen Vogue is your own television reality docu-drama. Fuck that, man.

what you waiting for?

2006-05-30T18:57:00.000-07:00

But the war wasn't all that way.

2006-05-22T02:22:00.000-07:00

"There should be a law, I thought. If you support a war, if you think it's worth the price, that's fine, but you have to put your own precious fluids on the line. You have to head for the front and hook up with an infantry unit and help spill the blood. And you have to bring along your wife, or your kids, or your lover. A law, I thought."

Tim O'Brien, The Things They Carried.

You asked for it

2006-05-16T21:05:00.000-07:00

I'm posting, even though I'm ass-deep in finals and such. I've finished two papers thus far and have three tests and one more paper to go. I signed the lease for my apartment (see here) yesterday (with Chelsea, Jake, and Rueben) and we will be moving in on June 1st. So the plan is as follows: Mom drives my car up on the 26th with some of my stuff from home and we dump it and all my stuff here either at the apartment (we can't move in yet but Chelsea and my room is empty right now) or Jake's house (depending on when he has to move out). Then we put Mom on Muni and she spends the night at a hotel downtown and then flies back to San Diego the next day. Chelsea and I drive down to San Luis Obispo on Friday night and spend three night's at Justin's, going to the beach everyday. Then we come back up here and spent two nights in Santa Rosa, then move in on Thursday. Currently I have to choose a job. But not before I finish this week's work. Yeah. What else? I'll be down for a few days around the weekend of July 8th because it's Zeidy's 80th and we're going to Ruth's Chris in Beverly Hills. Lauren, I don't remember your schedule, but I think the week you're gonna be home is the week I'm at camp. Anywho, I plan to go home for a few days around my birthday and since I'll probably want my car, I was thinking of making a road trip of it and driving to Santa Barbara, spending the night, and then driving home. Perhaps vice versa on the way back? Let me know.

So there you have it. That is my life. I'm done with finals on Monday and then I have to pack up my life.

Opal? Oh, puh-lease.

2006-04-24T18:02:00.000-07:00

Do I have a story for you. So an overly ambitious young girl who will do anything to get into Harvard decides to write a novel about an overly ambitous young girl who will do anything to get into Harvard. Even though this should be fairly simple, since the novel is basically this overly ambitious young girl's life, she still can't manage to pull it off without "unintentionally" and "unconsciously" ripping off another author. I can't say I'm surprised though... bearing in mind some of the kids we went to high school with, are you?

The story as printed in the New York Times.

Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?

2006-04-24T10:58:00.000-07:00

"She never talked of it--she went, punctually, directly. It was her instinct to go, and instinct like the swallows for the south, the artichokes for the sun, turning her infallibly to the human race, making her nest in its heart. And this, like all instincts, was a little distressing to people who did not share it... Some notion was in both of them about the ineffectiveness of action, the supremacy of thought."

Virginia Woolf, To The Lighthouse

If the best things in life are free, you can give them to the birds and bees

2006-03-27T21:10:00.000-08:00

True story: La Jolla is so ridiculously wealthy they have iPod vending machines in their grocery stores.

Against Interpretation

2006-03-23T17:29:00.000-08:00

"It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible."

Oscar Wilde, in a letter

By the way, that Pandora link (see right) is some gnarly shit. Check it out.

Here's hoping

2006-03-05T15:11:00.000-08:00

Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman (sorry, Joaquin, I love you)
Supporting Actor: George Clooney
Actress: Reese Witherspoon
Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz
Screenplay (adapted): Brokeback Mountain
Screenplay (original): Crash
Director: Ang Lee
Picture: Crash

Edit: Geez. I should've placed bets.

Notice

2006-03-05T14:36:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be playing around with the design on this blog in the next few weeks, so if it looks weird or something isn't working, that's why. Sorry for the inconvenience.

San Diego Barbies

2006-02-27T18:12:00.000-08:00

Recently announced the release of Limited-Edition Barbie dolls for the San Diego area market:

La Costa Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at the brand new La Costa Forum. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Rancho Bernardo Barbie - This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.

Escondido Barbie - This recently paroled tattooed & nose pierced Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a desert/river ready lifted Chevy truck with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably in small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you're talking about!

Del Mar Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Santee Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans, two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick Mullet Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

La Jolla Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at t he beach house. Percocet prescription available.

Lakeside Barbie - This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Lemon Grove Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

Leucadia Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long, straight, brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She smokes good sinsemilla buds and prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Leucadia Barbie's and the optional Volvo wagon, you get a coupon for a free wheat-grass smoothie at any Whole Food's Market.

National City Barbie - This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus & trolley pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Chula Vista Barbie - This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a pick up truck loaded 10 feet high with mattresses. Green cards are not available for Chula Vista Barbie or Ken.

Hillcrest Barbie/Ken - This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts. Bonus: free rainbow flag with proof of purchase sticker along with valuable discount coupons to all "F" Street bookstores.

PB Barbie-This Barbie is always bitching that she can't find a good man in PB

Patiently waiting

2006-02-24T02:37:00.000-08:00

I think that my greatest passion in life is making plans. I plan parties, I plan nights out, I plan my day. I have 5 or 6 post-its hanging from the bookshelf above my desk: movies I want to see, grocery list, possible jobs, possible apartments. I'm obsessed with planning my life. I have an excel spreadsheet on my computer with every class I want to take during college planned out, along with a list of activities and clubs to do, and a list of possible graduate schools (if that's the way I end up going). I look at apartments and furniture and part-time jobs on Craigslist practically everyday. I even like to go to Target.com and pick out dinnerware sets for next year. It's a sickness.

So tonight, while Chelsea's at home for a funeral, Heather's on a date, and the women's figure skating finals were on (side note: way to fuck it up, Sasha Cohen. Add therapy to that training regimen), I tackled my excel spreadsheet some more. Actually, I have to back up, because this planning was spurred by my sudden inspiration to get back into my sports, because I'm hella lazy, as they say, in college so far. I pretty much go to class, go to the gym, and party. So I looked up the public session times at the Yerba Buena ice rink downtown (it's a 40 minute Muni ride but whatever) and after I bring my skates up here this summer I want to try to go at least twice a month, hopefully once a week. I also found a good dance studio downtown, printed out their class schedule, and put it on my wall. I'd like to take one ballet and one jazz class a week, but that's pretty ambitious, so I'm thinking maybe one of each every other week. A block of four classes a month costs $42, not too bad. And drop-ins are $13, which is a nice option. The only hitch I've found so far is the four block walk back to the Muni station after night classes, because SOMA isn't exactly Carmel Valley. Note to self: make friends with classmates.

ANYWAY. I filled in the class times I want for next semester (which I got from last fall's schedule, which is usually the same every fall) so that I only have classes Tuesdays and Thursdays, all day. Hopefully I can pull this off for the rest of college. It's sometimes nice to go to a school that caters to working people. So this would leave Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays for working, the gym, dance class, and skating. The chances of all of this happening every week is low, but at least half is fine with me.

Which brings me to the job hunt. I'm pretty set on getting a job soon and working during the summer in San Francisco and coming home for a few weeks starting right before my birthday. Hopefully this summer I can get into a skating/dance/working routine. Right now I just want to get a job at Stonestown (the mall next to campus) because I really don't want to commute. Plus the gym is at Stonestown so I have no excuse not to fit my work out in before or after my shift. There are a bunch of job openings at the mall, the most promising of which is Bath and Body Works. I'm thinking two or three shifts a week to start, more in the summer. We'll see.

Yeah. We'll see about all of it, actually. It's a nice plan, though, don't you think?

To end, I'll tell you about a strange experience I had today. There's this little old Russian man at the gym (not gonna lie, he's creepy) who keeps asking me, in Russian, if I speak Russian. Up until today I pretended that I didn't hear him, but he caught me on the elliptical. He said "stravutsya" (that is the most phoenetic spelling of "hello" in Russian I can manage), and I said "I don't speak Russian." "Oh, what do you speak?" "English." "Do you speak anything else?" "French." "Ah, tu parle francais, Madamoiselle." "Uh huh." "Do you come from France?" "No." "Well, wherever you come from, you are very beautiful." "Thank you." It sounds cute in theory but you had to be there cuz it's creepy. Anyway, I know I look like I'm from the shtetl, my mom likes to tell me all the time. I'd be a sex goddess back in Poland.

Speaking of the Eastern Bloc, I'm thinking of Eurail-ing to Vienna, Berlin, and Prague for winter break junior year. Yes, I've thought this far ahead. You should come with me.

Untitled.

2006-02-21T20:22:00.000-08:00

Letting go has to be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'd rather clutch whatever it is close and let it continue to boil my blood with whatever particular odors and connotations it concocts within my heart and brain.
With Mike I let go. I let go of being in control of everything in my world, I let go of the fear, and I can't even say I did it on purpose. It just happened.

Letting go has to be one of the easiest things I'll ever do. With school, it's so easy to let go, to not care, to let it sift under all of the trivial STUFF that somehow seems exponentially more important. It's the easiest thing in the world to say, "fuck it. I don't feel like it."
But the consequences are anything but. Because two weeks later I'm scared to go back to class because I don't know what I've missed, because I don't know anyone in the class. Because I'm scared of being alone, being alienated, being unsure, being OUT OF CONTROL. It's easier to watch yourself do nothing and scream it from the rooftops than it is to quietly try to piece together what you've taken for granted and what you've missed.
I'm older now. Wiser. I'm almost 19 and still...

I don't want to rant and rave about my inconsistency in school. I'm tired of that. And one of these days, trembling and proud, I'll walk back into that lab and I'll get over myself. Someday.
Whatever.

Ideas, moments are fleeting. Time passes, things change. Someone rocks your world, someone breaks your heart. And through this and that and everything else that LIFE entails...do we ever figure it all out? Do we ever STOP ASKING annoying questions? Do we ever stop stalking our friends? Do we ever stop being completely unsure? And what about the fear...does it ever go away?

I told Abbie today that I liked that there aren't answers to all the questions, because each time you ask someone new, you learn. You ask and you receive something new. A memory. A belief. An anecdote. A laugh a cry a hug a cringe. A bond. And you take one step outside the box that is inevitably YOU, that's all your thoughts and ideas within.

I personally don't have little quotes to fall back on. I wasn't raised that way. I'm pragmatic, I'm practical. When the game is over, the king and the pawn may go back into the same box, but that isn't because in the end, the maker of the game is trying to spread the message that big or small, black or white, royalty or peasant, we're all the same. That's just the way it is. It's a GAME. You need somewhere to store the pieces. Somewhere they won't get lost, where you can consistently come back and find them and use them when you need them.
And Jesus, maybe that's a huge metaphor for those sayings I don't believe in. Life isn't a fairy tale. Those always end up in happily-ever-after, and really, in this world, no one wants that. We need things to bitch about, to hate on, to gossip about, to complain... we're not nice, we're not "happy," we're HUMAN. We're not programmed to live happily-ever-after. We can't handle the lack of pain--we seek it out, we like the flaws, the challenges. It gives life depth, meaning.
"Happy" is one of those words your fourth grade English teacher told you was BAD or BORING. You were supposed to use "jubilant" or "satisfied" or "accomplished" or "content." Not happy. Never happy.

I told a couple people the other day that I thought chocolate changed the world. And I'm convinced it has. But like the proverbial butterfly who flies over Kentucky and causes a monsoon in Asia, history and the past are hard to fathom, especially their impact on our lives.
I'm in college now, I'm on my own. I now make choices that hugely and obviously and immediately change my life and my future. I made a decision to go to UCSB, to go to FSSP. That, of course was life-altering. Why wouldn't it be? Had I not gone, I wouldn't be the same person I am right now. I wouldn't know the same people, I wouldn't have been through the same drama, I wouldn't have discovered what I have about life and people and humanity.

I can't put my thoughts into words well. I can't create perfect, flowing, personality-filled paragraphs with correct grammar and syntax the way Matt does. I'm a terrible story-teller.
But the ideas in my head are valid. They're me. And as totally incompetent as I feel expressing them publicly, especially in writing, I do feel a desire to share my thoughts with the world. And in the end, I may go back a day later and be horrified at the utter SHIT that I wrote, but as a certain friend of mine likes to quote, "do one thing every day that scares you." And so I try.
I may not be able to face that lab or ask for real help when I need it, but at the end of it all at least I've written something down, taken a deep breath, and shared it.
"One step at a time," my dad has told me, all my life.

So I'm taking baby steps. Into what? Toward where? I don't know. But if I've learned anything at all in the past six months, it's from Abbie, and it's that life is HERE, and even if I don't go to class all the time and don't do my work perfectly, I can't waste my time worrying about it or being afraid I might do it again. There's too much around me I might miss. Too many new facets of someone's personality. Too many conversations, too many walks or quiet moments of clarity.

I often feel like I need to excuse my posts here for some reason.

Today I just felt like writing, and this is what came out.

Violence is not the way, kids.

2006-02-13T13:46:00.000-08:00

[edit 2/14: the "hunting comapnion" had a heart attack today]

Cheney accidentally shoots hunting companion

By JoAnne AllenMon Feb 13, 9:46 AM ET

Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally wounded a companion with shotgun pellets on a weekend quail hunt in Texas, his office said on Sunday.

Cheney's companion, Austin lawyer Harry Whittington, 78, was listed in stable condition after being brought in on Saturday night, said Yvonne Wheeler, a spokeswoman for the Christus Spohn Hospital in Corpus Christi, Texas.

Cheney's office said Whittington had been sprayed by birdshot while hunting at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, about 200 miles south of San Antonio.

The shooting was first reported by the Corpus Christi Caller-Times. The vice president's office did not disclose the accident until the day after it happened.

Katharine Armstrong, whose family owns the ranch, was a member of the hunting party and witnessed the accident.

She said Cheney, an experienced hunter, did not realize Whittington had rejoined the group without announcing himself, which is proper protocol among hunters.

"They had no idea he was there," Armstrong said.

"A bird flew up, the vice president followed it through around to his right and shot, and unfortunately, unbeknownst to anybody, Harry was there and he got peppered pretty good with a spray of 28-gauge pellets," Armstrong said in a telephone interview.

"He was turning, facing the vice president, but turning to the right, and it sprayed him across the right side of his face, his shoulder, his chest and along the rib cage area," she said.

Armstrong said Cheney's medical team attended to Whittington before he was taken to the hospital.

She described Cheney as "an excellent, conscientious shot."

"The person who is not doing the shooting at that moment in time is just as responsible and, should be, as the person actually shooting," Armstrong said.

Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride said the vice president had been with Whittington at the hospital on Sunday.

"The vice president visited with Harry Whittington at the hospital and was pleased to see he is doing fine and in good spirits," McBride said.

Cheney has been a frequent visitor to the Armstrong Ranch and in October spoke at the funeral of family patriarch Tobin Armstrong.

Armstrong's wife, Anne, served as U.S. ambassador to Britain and as an adviser to presidents Nixon, Reagan and George Bush.

The 50,000-acre ranch was settled in 1882 by his grandfather, John Armstrong III, a Texas Ranger known for capturing outlaw John Wesley Hardin.

Special Valentine's Unit...

2006-02-10T18:12:00.000-08:00

click me.

Thank you, Abbie.

Two Cowboys

2006-02-01T10:18:00.000-08:00

"A story about a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys and their lives over the years"

My mother sent this to me.

The predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us!

2006-01-29T22:41:00.000-08:00

So, you know when you read lyrics that someone's put on their AIM profile or away message? Don't deny it, you know you compulsively check everyone's profile and away message, whether you actually talk to them or know them or not. It's amazing how connotative those lyrics can be, because we judge their meaning on the basis of who put them up there. It's easy to dismiss a line or two as emo, or whiny, or trying really hard to be artsy or alternative if it's someone you easily dismiss as simple. But what if someone else had put those same sappy lines in their away message, someone you admire, someone you aspire to be like or who you just think is pretty fabulous in general? If they put the bad poetry in their information, it wouldn't be whiny or sappy or emo. It'd be sophisticated and thought-provoking.

Just something I caught myself doing. Thought I'd share.

It was Mozart's 250th birthday on Friday. I hope you celebrated.

I love craigslist

2006-01-04T15:34:00.000-08:00

But first. Who has front row tickets to Chicago in London? Yeah. Me.

Anyway. My favorite thing to do when I'm bored at home lately is browse craigslist. It started out simply enough, just looking around for beds and couches and such for the apartment I'll be furnishing in June (hopefully here; the plan so far is to start a lease in June, then stay in San Francisco for a couple months during summer to work, either at the party planning firm or elsewhere). Then I started looking for apartments all over the city, just to see what the options are. It's great fun. I progressed to looking for apartments in New York, where I won't even be living for at least four years. Not surpsisingly, the most affordable ones are in Harlem and Washington Heights. Is it bad if half of my monthly income goes to rent? I love to plan. I love to look at target.com for dinnerware sets and bedding. My mom bought me a set of cool plates in Berkeley a year ago. My reasoning was that they'd be great for my apartment. I'm in a huge rush to be independent. I want my fabulous apartment with my canopy bed (which I found for $60 on craigslist). I cannot wait.

And so it is, the shorter story

2005-12-30T04:08:00.000-08:00

So here it is, 4 in the morning, I just finished watching Closer, and I'm sitting here, surrounded by unsatisfaction (that's not even a word). I want sleep, I want love, I want sex, I want it all. I want to know who I am and what I want, I want to be as strong as I appear, I want to be successful in the things I do. I want to actually do the things I say I'll do.
I want the world, basically.
And this is a pretty honest post, as far as these things go, but I just have this urge to say something true, something real, something maybe I'm scared about. But at least it's the truth. Because, really...

Someone recently told me that being a good friend meant letting your friends lie to themselves, letting them get away with their own personal brand of bullshit. I really hate to think that he's right, and I denied that remark with all the strength I had, as thrown as I was by the severity of the statement. But I have to admit (while I'm being honest here) that it's at least partly true. Or true for specific people. Or something like that. But there's an element of truth to it that bothers me, and I can't pinpoint where or why.

So here I am, 4 in the morning, writing.
Does any of this actually mean anything? Does it ever make a difference?

Somehow I feel all of my posts are written around questions, the answers too elusive and perhaps too consistently changing to find.
Truth changes forms.

Okay, so not the O'Reilly Factor... but I suppose this is the next most villainous arm of FOX

2005-12-21T08:43:00.000-08:00

Hi Matt -

I'm not sure if you're the Matt we're looking for, but I thought I'd give you a try. I'm a producer with Geraldo At Large, a nationally syndicated news magazine anchored by Geraldo Rivera. We are producing a piece on the Monterey Salka controversy, and would like to do a taped, on-camera interview with you about it.

Our program is based in NYC. If you are still in town, we can come to you and would only need about an hour and a half of your time. If you are already headed back to CA, we have a producer there who can meet you at a location convenient for you to interview you. We are scheduled to finish shooting the story Friday, 12/23.

If you are concerned about what kind of questions we would like to ask, I can provide you with a list. We simply would like to talk about a little bit about Monterey, the photo shoot, and your reaction to the Salka's lawsuit.

As usual in television, time is of the essence for us, so if you could get back to me at your earliest convenience, it'd be much appreciated.

Thanks,
Bob Higgins

Seasons of love...And it's definitely winter.

2005-12-17T11:22:00.000-08:00

There was a lot of talk about love last night. First it was with Meghann, pertinent to the subject of marriage, and then I brought it up with another close friend of mine, Mike. What is love? I don't know what it is, and despite that, I don't know if I believe in it anymore.
When you're a little girl, an adolescent, a teenager, you watch movies, read books, hear stories...And you inevitably believe that there's some "Mr. Perfect" out there for you; you just have to go and find him. But that's bullshit, or at least I think so now. Perhaps I'm turning into a cynic. But looking at the divorce rates and the number of people who cheat...I'm not so sure humans are monogamous creatures. And if we are monogamous, then what the hell is our problem?
So now I'm still a teenager, at the tail-end of that label, I've never been in a relationship, and I feel jaded; not just because of who I am but because of what I've seen of relationships, mostly with people of my age. People who think they're in love. People who are in love. But I don't even know what that means.
There are a small handful of people on the planet that I could honestly, and with a clear conscious, say that I love. A very small population indeed. But I'm not in love with them.
I just watched my parents take my dog out for a walk, and I've noticed that ever since I've left for college they've been happier. And please don't get me wrong, this isn't a pity thing and I know I didn't ruin their lives or anything like that - three is a hard number. But I used to question so often as to whether my parents were in love or loved each other at all. When things hit rock bottom a few years ago I asked my father if he and my mom were still in love, and he said I don't know. I think that messed me up.
I know everyone's perception of what marriage is supposed to be is based, obviously, on what they saw of their parents' relationship. Obviously, Meghann is more comfortable with divorce and thinks it's much more acceptable than I do. It makes sense. But with everyone's different perceptions and experiences, do any two people really agree? I'm not even going to ask if there's a "right" and a "wrong" way of thinking because I know you can't judge things like this.
As I was frantically cramming for my Sociology final, I read an article about marriage that basically explained that in every marriage, there are really two marriages, and when asked separately, spouses disagree on about a third of the things they're asked about, such as who's in control, who does what household chores, etc. I find this unsurprising. But to me it just adds to my confusion about the subject. How do you make a marriage work when you're obviously so disjointed?
And what about the correlation between marriage and love? Is one necessary for the other?

Too many questions, no satisfying answers. And I suppose I'll figure it out for myself eventually. But it does leave one feeling kind of lonely.

"Love is a many-splendored thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love..."
Right.

J-O-O's

2005-12-10T17:54:00.000-08:00

There are only a few times a year when I feel Jewish. Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. The first two are obvious. My food intake is disrupted and that causes me to complain to my gentile friends. Hanukkah's also pretty obvious, seeing as how I've been bombarded with Christmas crap since October. I actually like Christmas, though. This will be only the second year of my life that I don't have a Christmas tree. However, even though I'm in the capital of politcally correct, I have yet to see a single Hanukkah decoration. I spend a lot of time at the mall because that's where my gym is. Everywhere is red and green garland, lights, and a giant pile of present with a red throne in front, where Santa sits and talks to the kiddies. As a sidenote, I'm surprised that this Santa tradition still exists. Who wants their small children to sit on an old man's lap? Yeah I thought so.

So anyway. I have yet to see a single aknowledgement of Hanukkah. I'm sure I could go home to redneck ass San Diego and see more. True that Carmel Valley is basically Little Jerusalem, but you know. This is San Francisco.

Today Hailee's mom sent Chelsea and I a package. It contained a pair for each of us of Rudolph socks and a box of Mrs. Field cherry candy canes. Of course I'm not peeved at this at all because I think it's pretty much of the nicest things ever, but I had to chuckle at myself. I'm not gonna lie. Gelt would've been cool.

4:47 A.M.

2005-12-04T12:45:00.000-08:00

Child molesters

2005-12-03T17:44:00.000-08:00

So last night, Heather, Chelsea, and I decided to go out to dinner at El Toreador, our local neighborhood mexican restaurant. Our first strange encounter was an extremely drunk man in his 60's who came up to us while we were fucking around outside, waiting for a table. I assume he stumbled down from the neighboring pub, Joxer Daly's. He approached us and said, "Can I ask you a question? I'm not a bad guy or anything." He asks how old we are and we tell him, and the following 15 minutes are a blur of slurred life advice, culminating in this little nugget of wisdom,"...and have as much sex and possible, with as many people as possible. But only with me." He then stumbled off and we ran screaming into the restaurant.

You'd think we were safe. Oh, no. A group of four people walk out: two women and behind them, their husbands. We're sitting in the waiting area and the two men (clearly in their 40's) come over say, "Hey, you should come have a drink with us next door." We laugh nervously and mutter after they leave. Another group of men (also in their 40's) walk out and one comes right up to Heather and says, "Let me guess. Vicky. Hahahahaha." The only pleasant coming-on was three stoned surfers from Santa Cruz who were jealous that we were so far ahead on the waiting list.

So here's my question: Why do old men find it appropriate to hit on little girls? I'll clarify this by saying that all three of us were wearing jeans, sweaters, and big jackets with scarves, and Ugg boots because it was freezing outside. There was nothing maturely sexual about us. So what the fuck? You could be my father. For all I know that old man could've been my grandfather.

Alligator wrestlers and dead fish

2005-12-01T17:36:00.000-08:00

My University Writing instructor wasn't lying when she said she was writing a novel about a family of alligator wrestlers in South Florida. Turns out my shy, quirky writing instructor is moonlighting as a brilliant fiction writer. Her story, and an interview. It's definitely worth the read.

o0o0o Jet-setter

2005-11-15T11:19:00.000-08:00

So yesterday at about 7:45 am my mom calls and asks, "Want to go to Las Vegas for Christmas?" Alrighty then. My mother's manifestation of a mid-life crisis is travel. Sounds good. So I will be spending Christmas Eve and day in Las Vegas and the Paris hotel. And then of course real Paris for Spring Break, including two days in London via Chunnel. And a weekend in New York when it can be squeezed in. Bam.

Surprise!

2005-11-13T12:38:00.000-08:00

And, oh yeah, Lit Mag is officially number one in the nation.

The Lovesong of Alfred J Prufrock

2005-11-13T02:55:00.000-08:00

LET us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo... - From The Lovesong of Alfred J Prufrock by T.S. Elliot [if you haven't read the entire thing, search for it on Google and read it] _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Can you ever really go home again?

2005-11-11T19:53:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Mattie!

A few pennies for a few thoughts

2005-11-09T14:30:00.000-08:00

So there's a funny thing about respect, and that is that everyone has a different definition of it. Everyone sees things differently in respect to respect. Which makes it a difficult thing to respect.
If you know what I mean.
[I know I'm not funny, bug off.]

People toss around the word, from tongue to tongue, not unlike the phrase "I love you." It's used on a whim, passed on a breeze, unchallenged, unremarkable.
But the thing that gets to me is that respect truly is a remarkable thing. When someone does something so considerate, it touches you...when someone simply gives you space instead of stepping on your toes...when you realize that someone has respect for you from the little things they do...well, it's like being given the most marvelous gift.

____________________________________

If it's true, what they say, about the faults you see in others being the things that you dislike about yourself, well, then I have a lot of work to do.

____________________________________

It is so beautiful here after it rains; it really is magical. The world outside my window just sparkles, the air is incredibly clear, and everything smells like green. I'm being a total cheeseball, I know, but it's not something I can capture on my camera; it's not something I can really share with you without you being here.

Good job, god.
Two thumbs up.

Oh dear

2005-11-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

So after a Sunday of losing any and all class that I ever had ever, today has been rather redeaming, and it's only 9 am. I gave my informative speech to excellent reviews (comment excerpts: "My hair used to be that long, I kind of miss it." "You're too cool for school.") Aaaaaaaand I walked home with my flutter and we laughed and it was fun. Yayyyyyy.

However, later today will bring a 10 page essay on pharmacists who refuse to give birth control, which will probably make me angry while I write it. And of course tomorrow I have to figure out how to go to two classes, have a meeting with my French teacher, go to my paper review for English, vote, and go to the gym. On the up side, I get to chill for another three weeks in speech class. Here we go.

Happy Halloween.....weekend!

2005-10-31T14:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, kids, let's try an exercise that uses our imaginations:
First, picture the most ridiculous party you've ever been to.
Then, imagine it was a costume party.
Then add alcohol.
Then add more alcohol.
Then add about 300x more alcohol.
Then add a few thousand more people.
Add some more alcohol.
Add some marijuana.
Add a few thousand more people.
Add some more marijuana.
Add some more alcohol.
Then add a few hundred asses hanging out of booty shorts or thongs.
Then add police.
Then add more police on horseback.
Then add more alcohol.
[Lather, rinse, repeat.]
Pretend it's all in the very small "town" of Isla Vista [IV].

That's what Halloween is like in the Univeristy of California, Santa Barbara.
Sort of.

So this weekend was pretty eventful

2005-10-30T20:56:00.000-08:00

Well, what do you do when you have nothing to do on Friday night? You drink at Adam's house. So we trekked over there and they were playing Halo so we had to make it more interesting. I think we just sat around in Adam and Ben's room and I made some friends. One guy (his name was either Brian or Mitch, he lied a lot) told me he was Warren Sapp's son and he grew up in Compton. Yeah I dunno. We went home and I locked us out of the room so we went to the front desk and got a lock out key, then brought some of Chelsea's homemade chocolate cheesecake to the guy when we returned the key. Yeah.
Got up early on Saturday and went downtown to hang with my mommy. We got dim sum, shopped, went to tea at the hotel, had massages (at this awesome Japanese spa and I had a private bath and cucumber slices and oranges and yeah), had sushi (at a place with the boats! So cool!), and then slept at the hotel with her. Got up this morning, had homemade croissants, went back to campus (hauling my new clothes on Muni -- joy). Ummm Hailee and Wes and I had lunch with Bob and Jason, then went to Wes's to see his Halloween costume (see pictures at end of this). Then we came back here and watched Anchorman while Hailee straightened Wes's hair. Um. There was some Sex and the City, had chicken-avocado-pesto sandwiches for dinner. That's about it.

Tomorrow night is Castro. Next weekend is Tami and Jamie's birthday party. Will update.

We are all on drugs/What cult got you?

2005-10-26T01:10:00.000-07:00

So I had a really ridiculous weekend; probably one of the most interesting weekends of my life.

Some highlights:
:: my "best friend" trying to "break up" with me
:: getting written up for drinking in the dorms [whoops]
:: watching Batman Begins in a movie theater
:: sending a friend to, then picking her up from, the hospital
:: going to Costco
:: all the LitMag drama
:: getting flowers for my half-birthday
:: being excessively bitter
:: documenting it all with my digital camera

So I hugely kicked [yesterday's] sociology final's ASS, thankyouverymuch, and I expect to kick very little ass on [todays] Greek Mythology final.

It's that time again, so here's the list of classes I'm considering taking next quarter [choose three]:
+ Intro to Cultural Anthropology
+ History of Jazz
+ Beginning Ballet
+ Beginning Ballroom Dancing
+ Principles of Micro [or Macro] Economics
+ Dinosaurs
+ Music Appreciation [or] World Music
+ Intro to Buddhism
+ Zen
+ The Teachings of Jesus

Feedback and/or opinion is greatly appreciated. I'm way into lists today. So into lists, in fact, I'm going to give you a list of photographs, per usual:
[WARNING: drunk photos ahead...possible ALL drunk photos ahead...]

party in Brett's room!!! [til the fucking RAs shut us down]

between the damn Natty Ice cans that got us fucked in the end

thanks, Nicole [she's on the far left] for having a birthday
so we could have a birthday PARTY

drunk roomie love is still valid roomie love

Good job, Ted.

So can I just say

2005-10-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

That I love my critical thinking professor. Today we were doing some activity and she imparted upon us some Southern wisdom from her childhood in Virginia.

"General Lee did not surrender. Ulysses S. Grant picked up his sword and Lee was too polite to ask for it back."

"It is not called the Civil War. It is called the War of Northern Aggression." (picture that in a Southern accent).

News beat

2005-10-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

Parents file $1.5 million claim with school district after ...
Semi-Nude Photos of Students in Literary Magazine Exposes Legal ...

Good Morning, America

2005-10-22T14:29:00.000-07:00

Matt,

Wondering if I could talk to you briefly, and off the record, about "First Flight" from Torrey Pines. I am a producer for Good Morning America, and we are trying to get our heads around the story that ran in the SD Union Tribune this morning about the literary magazine? Can you call me at your earliest convenience. As I said - off the record... I just want to get someone's take on what really happened.

Cheers,
Bradley Lautenbach
Good Morning America

Photo uproar might have been avoidable
Claim filed over photos in student publication
Photos of seminude Torrey Pines student spur $1.5 defamation claim
Semi-Nude Pics In School Mag Spark Legal Action
Photos of semi-nude Torrey Pines student spurs $1.5 defamation ...
Parents File Claim Against School Over Photos
Parents Sue District For $1.5 Million For Semi-Nude Photos

insert obscenities here

2005-10-22T02:46:00.000-07:00

So tell me, please, someone out there in this world, WHY?
Just in general. Pertaining to everything.

Just why?
And also how could you?
And also how dare you?

I always hated it, just HATED it, when people said, "the only person you can ever truly rely on is yourself." Mostly 'cause I knew [how foolish am I?] that you'd ALWAYS be there.

Apparently I know nothing.
And it's never hurt so bad.

invisible monsters

2005-10-20T01:36:00.000-07:00

so basically this week, especially today, has just fucked me.

my insides have been put into a blender, blended on HIGH, shoved back into my body through my nose, and stictched together so they're suspended in my skeleton.
that's a grossly dumb way for saying i feel like shit.
a lot of shit.

sorry, mom. sorry, god.

So give me coffee and TV, easily...

2005-10-19T00:49:00.000-07:00

Photos and bitching.

So Meghann visited. It was great to have her; I wish we could have spent some real time just the two of us, but I'll take what I can get.

The past three days have been filled with drama and it's irritating. People change so quickly. Or more accurately, people show their true colors too slowly [?]. I'm undecided, but I'm complain nontheless.
Midterms are next week and the week after, I'm stressed, I'm behind, I'll catch up, I know I can do it, I just am not sure that I will.

The most exciting and noteworthy event of late has been the purchase and arrival of my brand new, very own, digital camera. In honor of this great event, I need to advertise my new photo website and post some photos of tonight [I've only had a few hours to play with it].

yasamin.me.kirsten.

ted the wise.

roomie 'n' me.

me.kristin.

a representative note to end on.

I'm not emo, I'm just cynical.
I should make bumper stickers.

Squat and Gobble

2005-10-17T21:08:00.000-07:00

Reason #987459037405 why I love living in San Francisco:

So Hailee and I went on a mini-excursion to Walgreens in West Portal tonight to pick up her prescription. And what did we happen upon? The Squat and Gobble Cafe and Crepery. Holy crap. It was like Pannikin but better. I had the most AMAZING nutella crepe with vanilla bean ice cream, plus a watermelon/passion fruit italian soda. Can I just say. Awesome.

What a raging asshole

2005-10-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

As you know, I took the Greyhound 10 hours to Santa Barbara this weekend to see Lauren and do some partying. Hailee convinced me to go with her, even though it meant I would miss speech on Friday. See, on Friday my professor assigned presentation days for our speeches -- if you didn't show up, you automatically went the first day. I emailed him and told him I wouldn't be there so put me on the first day. So 10 hours on Greyhound. Our longest layover was in Salinas so we asked where there was a coffee shop and I got a gigantic peppermint tea (sidenote: I've been battling a chest cold and laryngitis since Thursday). Got to SB, took the city bus to campus. Hailee and Lauren and I got ready and went out and saw BRYAN which was amazing. Then Lauren and Topher dropped Hailee and I off at Eric's for his b-day party. It was awkward so we went to Morgan's (best friend of a guy who lives on our floor) and oh deer. I drank some Natty Ice and rum and hookah'd and they smoked. Ended up sleeping there in a stranger's bed -- you can ask me for details.
Saturday morning we walked the walk of shame back to the dorms from IV, still in our party clothes, with black make up all over our eyes. It was embarassing. Got back to Lauren's and went back to sleep for a few hours. Hailee and I went to IV to get some yummy sandwiches for lunch, and then I worked on my speech until that night. We dropped Hailee back at Morgan's for some more partying and then I went with Lauren and her friends to watch moves in the lounge. We watched Boondock Saints (yesssssss) and Nightmare Before Christmas (which involved a lot of singing along from almost EVERYONE in the room, including freakin' Alex Zlotnik). Got into bed around 3:30.
Thennnn we had to wake up super early to catch the city bus to downtown SB. We loaded up on cottage cheese, chocolate, and cold meds at Ralph's, and then it was 9 hours back to home. I have seriously never been so excited to go to San Francisco. We just gazed at the city when we were going over the bay bridge, and when we got out of the bus terminal, Market street was all lit up with trees and pretty buildings and it was about 75 outside. San Francisco loves us. So we spent a good deal of time scrounging money for Muni, then got back to the dorms and I practiced my speech and such.
So basically I was having a stroke the whole weekend about this speech, and I didn't even give it today. I told my professor that I have laryngitis and that I was prepared to go but I didn't want to completely lose my voice mid-speech or annoy him with my croakiness. So he says, "I'll think about it." He has me put my name up on the list with the two other speakers going today. He hands out three sheets of paper for evaluations. After the second speech he picks them up, gives us some info, and class is over. Meanwhile I'm going into cardiac arrest because I think he skipped me because I didn't immediately walk up, and everyone around me is like, "Whaaaaaat?" So after class I walk up to him and he says, "You're going FIRST THING Wednesday." Asshole. He thinks he's so clever.

Mos Def

2005-10-14T01:48:00.000-07:00

Definitely went to hear Ben Stein talk today [sponsored by Campus Republicans, of course].

Definitely heard a guy stand up and yell "AMERICA IS NOT THE GOVERNMENT, YOU FASCIST FUCK!!!" to Ben Stein.

Definitely played "would you rather" for an extremely prolonged period of time.

Definitely met a new friend, Eric, and got to know a relatively new friend, Yasamin.

Definitely had fun political conversation/yelling match at dinner.

Definitely uber excited for this weekend [including but not limited to: Meghann coming to visit, going to the zoo, going to see Domino, having a dance party]

Definitely have some not-so-sober pictures from last weekend to share [oh, my crazy roomie...]:

Crunk Christine and me

Crunk Christine, Matt [birthday boy], and Ted

Crunk roomie love

Definitely working on the courage thing...

This post has no title, just words and a tune...

2005-10-12T00:29:00.000-07:00

The good: I just, several minutes ago, bought myself my very own digital camera [Rah! Rah!] | Freebirds for dinner, Woodstock's for dessert, and Two-Hour Tuesdays

The bad: Death seems to be all around | I'm not going to San Fransisco this weekend because of...

The ugly: I have a shitload of reading/homework to catch up on/do | I'm practically out of clean clothes | I have peanut butter but no Oreos...now what am I going to have for my midnight snack?

I really hate it when people say "things could always be worse." It's true, but it's like, fuck off, you have nothing real to say to me, so stop pretending to console me.

Hold me.

I thought this was pretty good

2005-10-10T12:18:00.000-07:00

I'm from California.

-I cuss a lot.

-I say "for sure" and "right on" and "hella" and "hecka" and I say it often.

-I know what real cheese & avocados taste like.

-I don't get snowdays off because theres only snow in Mammoth, Tahoe and Big Bear.

-Summers are really hot, and winters are really cold. That's the way it is.

-I go to the Beach - not "down to the shore."

-I know 65 mph really means 80+.

-When someone cuts me off, they get the horn and the finger & accept it.

-I've been to "The City" aka "San Fran" and have eaten fresh clam chowder out of a sourdough bread bowl.

-The drinking age is 21 but everyone starts at 14 (legally 18 if you live close enough to the border).

-My governor can kick your governor's ass.

-I can go out at midnight and wear a t-shirt and shorts.

-I might get looked at funny by locals when I'm on vacation in their state, but when they find out I'm from California I turn into a Greek GOD.

-I can get fresh and REAL Mexican food 24 hours a day

-All the TV shows you "other" states watch get filmed here.

-We have In-N-Out (Arizona and Vegas are lucky we share that with them).